


The contract

by chelinda



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, F/M, Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:33:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 21,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27494287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelinda/pseuds/chelinda
Summary: “You have until tomorrow to either sign this, or to pack up your belongings and leave.”Lisa can feel her heart sink into the pit of her stomach and she’s pretty sure Jennie isn’t properly breathing anymore.orWhat happens after two more years?
Relationships: Jennie Kim/Lalisa Manoban | Lisa
Comments: 80
Kudos: 233





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi, it's me. you don't know me and i don't know you, but here we are. kinda meeting anyway.  
> if you read this, have fun - or whatever.  
> if you like this, leave a comment. that'd be nice of you, dude ;) 
> 
> sidenote: english isn't my mother tongue, so sorry for any linguistic errors. 
> 
> ok, byeeeeee

###  Chapter 1 

__

_“Do you think it’s strange?”_

_Lisa frowns slightly and shrugs._

_“I don’t know…”_

_She looks at Jennie who’s sitting at the opposite end of the couch in her black pijamas. Phone in her hands, scrolling through her Instagram._

_“Not really. Do you?”_

_Jennie doesn’t look up._

_“Sometimes. A little. Maybe?”_

_She catches Lisa’s gaze and smiles._

_“I mean... it’s not because of you, just… you know.” She bites her lip, lost in a thought for a second.  
“I don’t get it. Why the two of us? It’s not like we’re not all like that with each other.” _

_At this Lisa nods her head.  
Jennie is speaking the truth. _

_“We knew something like that was likely to happen though. It’s not that big a surprise.”_

_She’s flashing Jennie a big, reassuring, teethy smile – an attempt to ease the smaller girl’s tension that she can feel slowly building._

_“I know.”, Jennie admits. “It’s fine. Honestly. I guess I just hoped that I wouldn’t be reminded of it like aaaaaall the time.”_

_At that Lisa humms in agreement, because honestly? Same. She knows that it’s coming from a place of love though, so it doesn’t bother her that much. Sometimes she even thinks it’s kind of cute. But it’s gotten a little bit out of hands recently, so she’s actually glad that Jennie had brought it up. It’s always better to talk about stuff like that. They had learned that from the beginning._

_“You know...”, she states after a few silent minutes and Jennie looks up this time. “We should probably try to ignore it. If we don’t let it change our behavior, then it will probably die down eventually.”_

_It doesn’t die down.  
And then Jennie changes. _

__

_________

“Oh my god!” Jisoo falls onto her bed, arms and legs spread out, eyes closed. “What the fuck was that?” 

“Oi.. language.”, Jennie fake-scolds her, sitting down on her own bed with a relieved sight. 

“If I have to move one more muscle today, I’ll probably die on the spot.”, Jisoo says. Her eyes are still closed – not even opening them when Dalgom jumps on her bed and licks her face. 

“I don’t understand why we had to go through that choreography like 30 times.”, Jennie mumbles. “We know how to dance it. We didn’t even make any mistakes. They just wanted to kill time.”

“What exactly was Lisa doing in the office that long anyway? Do you know what’s up?”  
With that, Jisoo sits – almost shoving Dalgom off the bed in her movement. She’s able to catch him at the last moment. 

“No idea.”, Jennie answers, while looking for her sweats. She needs to get out of these jeans immediately. They’re suffocating her.

“It’s strange.”, Jisoo announces – worry audible in her voice. “Lisa never talks to the management alone. She didn’t even do that when the whole hate-train-fiasco happened.” 

Jennie looks at Jisoo’s concerned face for a moment before changing into her sweatpants that she found under one of her pillows.

“I’m sure she’s going to tell us.”

“Mhmm...”, Jisoo makes a noise from which Jennie can’t really tell if she believes her or not and when she catches her eye, Jisoo looks at her as if the answer was written all over her face. 

“What?”, Jennie asks – already a little annoyed. She’s afraid she knows what’s coming, given that the older Korean girl had voiced her concerns before. 

“Did you talk to her yet?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

Jennie huffs. Not this again. 

“It’s not that big a deal, unnie.”

Jisoo laughs at her then, and Jennie feels the tip of her ears heated up in anger. 

“Sure. That’s why the whole world is talking about it online.”

“That’s not my problem. The world can and does think whatever it wants anyway.”

She’s about to turn and head out of their room when Jisoo gets up and reaches for her. She has a soft expression on her face when Jennie looks at her. 

“I’m sorry Jen. I didn’t mean to upset you. It’s just... I don’t get why you have to do this. And I’m pretty sure that Lisa doesn’t either and I know for a fact that she’s not happy about it. Just… consider talking to her, please. If not for your friendship, then at least for the band’s sake.” 

______

It’s the next morning – or whatever one calls the ungodly hour that is 5 o’clock, and Jennie is pouring herself a glass of water in the kitchen. The apartment is quiet and dark, the only light source being the streetlamps outside reflecting on the walls. 

It’s the beginning of September and it’s starting to get colder day by day now. She doesn’t mind though. Jennie likes fall almost as much as spring. She likes cozy blankets and warm socks, tea on the couch and walks where everything is warm except for her face. She also likes cuddling, which, to be fair, is a total fall-thing to do. She’s not gotten as much cuddles recently, but that’s probably on her. Scratch that. It’s definitely on her. 

“Hey.”

She gets startled by the sound and lets out a little shriek - covering her mouth with her hand immediately after. 

“Sorry.”, Lisa chuckles and walks around her to drink directly from the water tap. 

“We own glasses, you know.”, Jennie says and watches Lisa take at least 5 more gulps. 

When she pushed herself up to hop onto the counter, she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand and nods her head. “Really? I never knew…” 

Jennie can’t really pinpoint if she’s being sarcastic or not, but then she catches that little sparkle in Lisa’s eye and grins. 

“Idiot.”, the older one whispers and pokes her friend’s side. Lisa fakes an “ouch” and clutches her side as if Jennie had stabbed her with a knife.  
She smiles and Jennie can’t help but notice how fragile Lisa looks. She’s lost some weight and being a fairly skinny girl anyhow – she now looks even a little bit... unhealthy, Jennie thinks and frowns. 

Lisa notices her absent stare and jumps off the counter.  
“I’m going back to bed.”, she states, but Jennie is quicker. 

“Are you alright?”

The question hangs between them like a curtain and she knows. Jennie knows that this is out of the blue and probably uncalled for, but she can’t stop herself and then the words are already out.

“You haven’t asked me this in weeks.”, Lisa establishes – visibly astonished. 

Jennie doesn’t comment on that. 

“You look like you’ve lost some weight.”, she states instead. 

“I know. I did.”, Lisa's answer is honest, and Jennie feels her chest tighten a little bit and there’s an icy grip around her heart.

“Did you talk to the doctor?”

“Yes, I did. It’s fine, don’t worry. It’s just stress.” 

“You have to eat, Lisa.” 

“I know.”

“Okay.” 

“Okay.” 

They look at each other for a second, before Lisa sights and sends her friend a tight-lipped smile. Now that Jennie’s brought it up, she can feel her stomach eating itself from within and the pain in her chest which follows her around all the time recently, seems to grow by the second.  
She needs to sleep. She needs to not be awake – and to not feel like this. 

“I’m going to bed. Good night, Jen.” 

She turns on her heel, only to hear the other girl pour another glass of water without another word. 

__

_Two more years,_ Lisa thinks.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Did you see the new girl yet?”, Nayeon asks as she strips out of her dress and changes into her sports-clothes.
> 
> “The Thai-one?”, Jennie asks and her friend nods slightly. Jennie laces her sneakers in a hurry – they are already late for dance practice and she hates to be late. 
> 
> “Hurry up...”, she mumbles and doesn’t answer Nayeon’s question intentionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi again, 
> 
> we still don't know each other - but i'm so happy if you enjoy this story :)  
> have fun. 
> 
> > english is still not my native language (that's unfortunately not gonna change), so sorry for mistakes guys. 
> 
> byeeeeee

###  Chapter 2: 

_“Did you see the new girl yet?”, Nayeon asks as she strips out of her dress and changes into her sports-clothes._

_“The Thai-one?”, Jennie asks and her friend nods slightly. Jennie laces her sneakers in a hurry – they are already late for dance practice and she hates to be late._

_“Hurry up...”, she mumbles and doesn’t answer Nayeon’s question intentionally._

_She did see her. Of course she did. It’s not like they weren’t all curious about the new trainee, trying to cross paths with the girl in some form or another, as soon as she got here.  
Jennie met her the day after her arrival in the waiting area of the studio. She was looking like a little boy, with her short hair and her oversized-shirt and the way she sank into the armchair.  
Jennie knew, of course, how terrifying the first days at the trainee-center could be, but something about the Thai-girls attitude just didn’t fit with her. _

_“I think she’s quite beautiful.”  
Nayeon’s voice snaps her out of her thought. They are walking fast but Jennie recognizes that they are almost 10 minutes late by now. _

_“Huh..”, she makes and shrugs. “She looks very boy-ish.”_

_“Yeah but her features are very delicate. If they make her go long-haired, she could probably become a favorite. With her big deer-eyes and long legs and all.”_

_Nayeon doesn’t talk further as they’d reached their destination. She pulls open the door for Jennie and they step inside - music already blasting from the speakers and there are some people warming up._

_The dance teacher glares at them and with a swift motion of her head tells them to sit down beside the other trainees who aren’t warming up in the middle of the room.  
Jennie never really liked her. She’s a fantastic dancer but her teaching skills are rather questionable. _

_When Jennie feels Nayeon nudging her, pointing to the group of dancers with her chin, she spots her right away._

_She looks so different – the short hair in cute pigtails, yellow sweatpants and a tight tank top showing off her fit posture. But most of all, there’s a huge, bright, toothy smile on her face, that seems to light up the whole room.  
Jennie has absolutely no idea when she’s last seen a trainee smile that big. It doesn’t really fit in here, where everything is a competition and friendliness is mostly faked. _

_“God, why is she so happy?”, someone behind them snarls.  
So, she’s not the only one who noticed then. _

_“She doesn’t know what’s gonna hit her yet.”, another girl laughs and then there’s giggles all around. But Jennie doesn’t really listen. Her eyes are glued on the Thai girl who seems so at ease, so calm – as if she were in a different world._

_And as soon as the music starts – they all feel like that.  
The room gets quiet within seconds, when the new trainee starts moving to the rhytm.  
Jennie had never in her life seen someone being so… undeniably talented.  
She was one with the music. As if the song was written to fit her movements – and not the other way around.  
No one dared to speak, or look away, or even breathe.. They were all mesmerized by the performance happening in front of them – the bright smile never ever disappearing from the young Thai girls face as she moved. As she moved them all.  
It was then and there that Jennie knew – this girl was born for the stage. And therefore, she would be tough competition. _

_______

“What’s this?” 

Rosé waves a folded piece of paper in front of Lisa’s face. She wrinkles her nose. 

“No idea. Where did you find it?”, the younger girl asks, busying herself again with the box in front of her.  
They are rearranging their room and to be honest, it was about time. There was so much stuff in there - Lisa didn’t even know that she owned so much shit. 

“Bottom drawer. Underneath your ugly, yellow boxershorts.”, Rosé teases and winks at her best friend. Lisa makes a face at her.

“What is it?”, she asks and extends her long arm. “Gimme that.” 

Rosé hands her the paper - a rather curious look on her face. 

“Is it a love letter? Oh my God Lis, is there something you didn’t tell me?” 

Lisa snickers. “It’s probably my marriage certificate. There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”

“Oh sush...”, Rosé laughs and pinches Lisa’s side – observing her, as she unfolds the paper slip. There’s a rather poorly drawn Ying-and-Yang-sign on it. Nothing more. 

Rosé huffs in disappointment. “And here I was, hoping for something exciting.” 

She turns around to busy herself with the cleaning-out of Lisa’s drawer again – not realizing how the taller one slumps into her bed – the paper still in a tight grip in her hands.  
She hadn’t even known that she still had this. It was made such a long time ago now. 

She sights, which makes Rosé turn around in a hasty motion. 

She sends her friend a confused look and Lisa just shakes her head.  
“Nothing.”, she says quietly. “It’s just… Jennie drew this.” 

“Oh.” Rosé is quick to sit beside the dark-haired girl – rubbing a hand up and down her back. It’s comfort and they don’t talk for a minute or so. 

“Ying and Yang.”, Rosé then mumbles. “I remember. You guys called each other that sometimes.” 

“Yeah...”, Lisa breathes. “Until they told us that we shouldn’t do that anymore.” 

Rosé holds Lisa’s gaze for a moment. She then takes a deep breath.  
“I’m sorry. I know they treated you guys very harsh.” 

Lisa is looking down at her feet. Shrugging. 

“We never really talked about it that much, but I know it hurt you both. I’m sorry for never saying anything then.” 

“You don’t need to apologize.”

“I want to though.” 

Lisa spares her a small smile. She loves this girl so much. 

“It was probably for the best.”, Lisa then states – jumping up and plastering a bright smile on her face in attempt to ease the current situation.  
“Now you can be the Ying to my Yang, bro.” She gives Rosé a little shove with her hip and the older girl laughs. 

“Oh god, please no. You’re already tiring as it is, mate.” 

Lisa fakes the offended, her mouth falling agape and then turning into a feigned sad face. 

“I’m hurt, Park. I don’t think I want to live with you anymore.” 

She turns on her heels and heads out the door – hearing Rosé laughing and calling after her to bring back snacks from the kitchen. 

_Two more years_ , Lisa thinks.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You have until tomorrow to either sign this, or to pack up your belongings and leave.” 
> 
> Lisa can feel her heart sink into the pit of her stomach and she’s pretty sure Jennie isn’t properly breathing anymore. She feels like fainting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy writing this. So, sorry not sorry for the next chapter this soon. 
> 
> hihi. 
> 
> thanks for reading. 
> 
> byeeeee

### Chapter 3: 

_“Ms. Kim, Ms. Manoban – please come in.”_

_The head manager of YG looks like a grandpa - Lisa thinks as she steps into his office. There is one single plant on top of the huge desk, but apart from that, there’s not much decoration going on here. It looks like the rest of the building. It fits._

_“Please take a seat.”, he says – motioning to the two chairs in front of his desk._

_She catches Jennie looking at her hesitantly before they both follow his orders._

_“So, I assume you have been informed about the topic of this meeting?”_

_They both nod. He does too._

_“Alright, that’s good.”_

_He looks them both up and down, then he slides a document that was already prepared on his desk across – Lisa catching it skillfully, before it can fall to the ground._

_He doesn’t wait for them to read it. And to be honest- they don’t need to anyway._

_His face turns stern then. Almost motionless._

_“You have until tomorrow to either sign this, or to pack up your belongings and leave.”_

_Lisa can feel her heart sink into the pit of her stomach and she’s pretty sure Jennie isn’t properly breathing anymore. She feels like fainting._

_“Yes, sir.”, she drags out – watching his eyes wander to the door. It’s a demand._

_“Thank you, sir.”, Lisa bows in his direction while getting up, pulling Jennies frozen figure with her in the motion.  
The smaller girl gets out an almost inaudible “Thank you” right before the door slams shut. _

______

Jennie watches Jisoo and Rosé take little sips from their coffee cups, almost simultaneously and she can’t help to smile to herself. Sometimes they act so alike, it’s funny to her. 

“Soooo…”, Jisoo drags out after she puts her cup on the breakfast table. “What was your appointment yesterday about, Jen?” 

Rosé looks up, catching Jennies sight and then looking down at her cup again. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t need to. Jennie knows that they know. 

“Just business stuff.”

“Business stuff.”, Jisoo repeats. “Aha. Can you be a bit more specific?” 

“It’s nothing important, really.”, Jennie answers. She’s totally not in the mood for discussions this early in the morning. 

“Jen.” Jisoo’s voice is firm but tender at the same time. She gives her this older-sister-look and smiles. “It’s us. You can talk to us.” 

“I know.”, Jennie admits and scratches her forehead. Rosé’s remaining silent. 

“It was about my airport behavior. They want me to be more affectionate.” 

Rosé looks up again, her friendly eyes meeting Jennies. 

“They want you to be more affectionate towards Lisa, you mean.”, she says. It’s not a question.  
She’s stating a fact. She doesn’t really expect a reaction to this. 

“No, it wasn’t about Lisa. It was about all of you, as well as the fans.”

She catches Jisoo and Rosé sharing a knowing look – and she hates it. She hates situations like this. When she can’t say what she wants to – completely aware that they know that she’s not being honest with them. She feels like ruining their friendship little by little and she’s not okay with it. She doesn’t want to, but there’s no other option. 

“It’s okay.”, she hears Jisoo say – not able to hide the disappointment in her voice. “You can tell us the truth whenever you’re ready then.” 

Jennie gets up to pour herself another coffee. 

_Two more years,_ she thinks.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know... you’re kinda annoying.” 
> 
> Lisa giggles. 
> 
> “You love it though.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, it's me yet again. sorry :) hope you enjoy. ok byeeeee

### Chapter 4: 

_“You know... you’re kinda annoying.”_

_Lisa giggles._

_“You love it though.”_

_“I wouldn’t be too sure about that, bro.”_

_“Bro?”, Lisa laughs. “That’s a new one. Am I a boy now?”_

_“You’re already more boy than girl anyway.”_

_“Hey!”, Lisa gasps and punches Jennie’s shoulder hard._

_“Ouch!”, Jennie cries out – her face quickly covered by a mischievous look._

_“See? Told you. Like a boy. So violent.”_

_Lisa grins sheepishly at her._

_“How very stereotypical thinking of you, unnie.”_

_Jennie can’t help but smile at the way Lisa emphasizes the nickname._

_“Unnie...”, she lets the name roll off her tongue as if she were able to somehow put another meaning to it then and there. “I think I want a different nickname.”_

_“Like what?”, Lisa asks, laying down beside Jennie on her bed._

_“Something sweeter.”, Jennie answers – mindlessly brushing her hand against the younger girls, intertwining their fingers loosely._

_“Sugar? Hot choco? Mochi?”, Lisa tries – already giggling before Jennie can even protest in any way._

_“Hot choco?”, the smaller one repeats, making a face. Lisa erupts in laughter, squeezing Jennie’s hand._

_“I think it suits you well.”_

_“Why?”_

_“Because hot choco is sweet and hot and I can’t get enough of it.”, Lisa shrugs and at first, Jennie thinks she’s kidding, but when Lisa doesn’t giggle with her, she stops._

_She turns to face the younger girl, her thumb stroking the soft skin of Lisa’s hand absently._

_“Are you flirting with me, Manoban?”_

_“Have been for quite some time now, but thanks for noticing.”, she winks and Jennie slaps her stomach softly._

_“You can’t do that. I’m pretty sure it’s prohibited for trainees to flirt with each other.”_

_“Ugh...”, Lisa makes and pinches her friend’s nose. “You’re a spoilsport, Jennie Kim.”_

_The brunette is on top of her, before she even knows what’s happening – tickling her all over, giggles filling the room._

_Lisa doesn’t think she’s ever heard anything more endearing._

_____

Jisoo is sitting alone in the waiting area, flipping through a magazine when Rosé finds her. 

“Hey, there you are.”, she greets her and bends down to give her a one-armed hug. 

“Yeah, sorry. Did I not tell you the floor?”

Rosé takes the seat beside her and nods. 

“Yeah you did. I just wasn’t able to find the waiting area right away.”

“The areas are marked. There’s even a little map right by the elevator. Dummie.”, the older girl laughs loudly. 

“Shut up...”, Rosé returns, flicking her friend. “Is she out yet?”, she then asks – her voice getting a little tense.  
“Not yet.”, Jisoo answers, pointing towards one of the closed, white doors. 

They remain silent for some time – watching people walk in and out of other doors while the waiting area slowly empties.

Jisoo can feel Rosé’s eyes on her, and before the younger girl can even open her mouth, she admits: “I know… I’m worried too.” 

They look at each other and there are tears on the brink on Rosé’s eyes. Jisoo shakes her head silently.  
“She’ll be okay, Chae. She’s a strong girl.” 

She reaches over to grab the taller girl’s arm, running her hand up and down in an attempt to calm her down. 

“Can I ask you something?”, Rosé then says quietly, looking around briefly. She doesn’t want anyone listening in on their conversation. 

Jisoo nods her head once – eyes glued to her friend’s face. 

“I know we haven’t talked about it for quite some time but… Do you think it’s the same reason as last time?” 

Jisoo blinks and Rosé almost hopes that the older Korean denies her question. She doesn’t though. She shrugs, her sigh fixed on something far, far away.  
When she snaps back to reality, her face falls. 

“You know Lisa better, but yeah. If I’m being honest, I think so.” 

There are a few single tears falling from Rosé’s eyes and she wipes them away immediately. 

“Fuck.”, the blonde breathes. “This is so fucking pointless. I don’t… I just don’t understand.” 

Jisoo sights again as she places her head on Rosé’s shoulder. 

“She’ll be okay. They both will... It’s going to be okay.” 

They are being interrupted by a slim figure walking towards them slowly and stopping right in front of them. 

“Thanks for picking me up.”

They advert their gazes to find a pale-faced Lisa staring down at them. Rosé jumps up and pulls her best friend into a tight hug without a word. Jisoo follows her movement – putting her arms around the both of them. 

“You alright?”, the oldest asks, after they all break away from the hug. 

“I’m fine.”, Lisa says – correcting herself once she looks at two pair of disbelieving eyes. “I will be fine.” 

“We love you so much. You know that, right?”, Rosé looks at her serious – her hands finding Lisa’s, gently holding them. 

“Yeah, I know.”, the youngest girl says in a firm voice. “I know and I love you guys too.” She smiles and for the first time since entering the hospital, her two friends relax a little bit. 

“You need to promise me though that-.” “We won’t say anything.”, Jisoo interrupts – already knowing what Lisa was going to ask them. “Don’t you worry. But…” She looks at Rosé swiftly. “We still think that you should tell Jennie though.” 

Lisa sights and their oldest band member is quick to add: “We won’t tell her. Cross our hearts. But please, just think about it, yeah?”  
Lisa closes her eyes for a second – considering. Then she nods. “I’ll think about it. Thank you, guys.”

“We only want what’s best for you babe.”, Rosé declares, her arm finding its way around Lisa’s waist as they make their way to the elevator. 

If she’s being honest, Lisa doesn’t even know what’s best for her anymore. The only thing she knows for sure is:  
_Two more years._


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you need anything, Jen?” 
> 
> “No, I… I just wanted...”, she closes her eyes, searching her brain for the best words to say. “Can I stop by?” 
> 
> There’s silence at the other end of the call and Jennie bites her lip. This really shouldn’t be so awkward. 
> 
> “Of course you can, Jennie. You know you don’t have to ask.”

### Chapter 5:

_“Hello? Anyone here?”_

_Jennie closes the door of the practice room behind her. It’s strange – the light is on but there’s no one in sight. They probably just forgot to switch them off after the last dance lesson.  
Hell, it’s 5 in the morning. She would be pretty surprised if there was any other wake soul in the building right now. _

_Jennie sights, putting her water bottle and her towel on the floor - looking at herself in the huge mirror on the opposite side of the room._

_“You look like shit.”, she mutters to herself and shakes her head. No wonder though. She hasn’t been able to properly sleep for days now and it’s beginning to show. Not just on her face, but in her performances as well. She didn’t miss the disapproving frown her dance teacher had given her a few times in a row now and she has to do something about it. It’s close to the end of the month. She can’t risk getting kicked out because of…._

_“Hello?”_

_Jennie spins around and almost twists her ankle in the process – completely startled._

_“Sorry. I scared you?”_

_The Thai girls Korean is pretty bad, but she tries, and Jennie can’t help but spare her a smile._

_“It’s okay, don’t worry.”, Jennie switches to English which causes her opponent to look at her in surprise._

_“You speak English too?”_

_“Sure. I lived in New Zealand for some years.”_

_They look at each other quietly for a moment, before Jennie bends down to pick up her belongings._

_“I should leave.”, she mumbles - not wanting to disturb the other girl by whatever she was doing._

_“No, please. You stay. I was gonna go to bed now anyway.”_

_Jennie blinks._

_“You haven’t slept yet?”_

_“Nah, I was practicing and lost track of time I guess.”_

_As if this one needed practice in dancing, Jennie thinks._

_“It’s 5 o’clock…”, she states with big eyes._

_“I know.. it’s just.. dancing calms me down when I feel stressed out and I… I don’t know.”_

_Jennie nods and looks down at her hands. She understands. It’s hard. Being so far away from family and everything that was once your life can be pretty stressful._

_“It’s gonna get easier. Just give it some time. It’s always hard in the beginning.”_

_She looks up to find the taller girl smiling at her._

_“It’s nice talking to someone I can actually understand... They don’t let me speak English or Thai here.”_

_“I know. It sucks.”_

_There’s silence again and Jennie doesn’t really know what to do with herself, but then the other trainee starts walking towards her – arm stretched out in her direction._

_“I’m Lisa.”_

_The older girl is reluctant, but then she reaches for her hand anyway – shaking it slowly._

_“Jennie.”_

_“Nice to meet you properly, Jennie.”_

_“Nice to meet you too, Lisa.”_

_“Do you need help with this?”_

_Lisa nods towards the dance floor and takes Jennie by surprise. She’s not used to someone offering their help without demanding something in return._

_“I…”, the older girl considers for a second. She’s seen the Thai girl dance multiple times now and to say that she’s good at it would be a nasty understatement. Lisa is quite likely the best dancer in this camp. So yes, Jennie could need her help._

_She stays silent though, which her opponent takes as a no._

_“It’s fine. You don’t have to...”, Lisa starts off – already moving to the entrance._

_Jennie watches her slow steps and she wants to say something – anything. But her head is suddenly not cooperating anymore. There are a million thoughts in her head, most of them don’t make any sense to her at all and it’s making her kinda dizzy._

_When she finally recovers, Lisa is gone._  
______

She doesn’t pick up.  
Jennie tries for the 10th time in a row, but her call is directed to voicemail right away. Again. 

She leans back on the couch – tossing her phone on the coffee table. She’s not angry. But she’s also not not angry. Something is building up inside of her, and she can’t really pinpoint what it is yet. Usually she doesn’t let it go to her head but recently, things have been weird. Like the bad kind of weird and it’s gotten to the point where she can’t sleep anymore. 

The ringtone of her cellphone jerks her out of her thoughts and out of her seated position. She stands, looking down at her phone which shows Lisas profile picture – biggest smile on earth. 

She reaches for it. 

“Hello?” 

_“Jennie?”_

“Yeah.”

_“You called a few times.”_

A few times, yeah right.

_“Is everything okay?”_

There’s worry in Lisas voice and Jennie immediately regrets calling her repeatedly. 

“I’m sorry. Yeah, everything is fine. Where are you?”

 _“I’m at the dance studio.”_ , Lisa answers and Jennie can hear her take a sip of water. 

“Oh. Okay.” 

Jennie knows. They don’t have practice for another two days and she knows. Lisa’s not doing good as well. She dances for herself when she’s stressed. It’s always been like that. 

_“Do you need anything, Jen?”_

“No, I… I just wanted...”, she closes her eyes, searching her brain for the best words to say. “Can I stop by?” 

There’s silence at the other end of the call and Jennie bites her lip. This really shouldn’t be so awkward. 

_“Of course you can, Jennie. You know you don’t have to ask.”_

It’s a relieve. Even though the older girl hadn’t really expected to be denied by her friend. Lisa wasn’t like that. 

“Okay good. I’ll see you in a bit then.” 

_“Yeah. See you soon, Jennie.”_

The phone call ends, and Jennie wants to scream.  
Instead she packs her coat and calls for the driver. 

________

She doesn’t mean to be creepy but sometimes she can’t help it. Whenever she gets the chance to watch Lisa dancing when the younger girl thinks nobody is watching - for example.  
There’s nothing more captivating in the world than the way Lisa moves when she’s completely given herself to the music. It’s like watching her heart and her soul on complete display – her emotions stripped bare until there are no more open questions.  
When she watches Lisa dance like this, Jennie feels like she knows all the answers to every unknown thing this universe has to offer. It’s the most powerful thing she’s ever felt in her life. 

There are goosebumps on her arms – reminding her that she’s still alive and then Lisa spots her, halting her movements. 

“No, please...”, Jennie begs. “Can I just watch for a second?”

Lisa stares at her, their eyes meeting and she understands without having to say anything in return.  
She waits for the next beat and resumes dancing just like before. 

Jennie slides down the wall behind her – eyes not even leaving Lisas figure for one second.  
She could die like this, she thinks. Watching Lisa in complete harmony with the world – if it were the last thing she would see in her life, Jennie would die a happy girl.  
There’s really no other person who could ever get more emotions out of other people than a dancing Lisa. Jennie had admired that talent from the beginning, and she would never stop to do so.  
Lisa was just magnificent.

It’s only when the music stops that she realizes she’s crying. Silent tears running down her puffy cheeks and she wants to wipe them, but there are other hands who are faster.  
Jennie closes her eyes, savoring the touch of Lisas fingers brushing against her face – the sudden closeness making more tears flow. 

“I’m sorry...”, she chokes, not daring to look at her friend just yet. She feels small and dumb, but Lisa doesn’t say anything – she just sits and wipes away her sadness.  
Jennies hand finds one of Lisas and she holds it in place on her cheek, pressing her face firmly against it. She’s not sure when they’ve last been this close and that realization almost takes her breath away.  
It’s been too long. 

“It’s okay.”, she hears Lisa say. Jennie swallows hard, because, no, it’s not okay. Not even close. Lisa repeats it, as if she’d read the older girls mind. “It’s okay, Jen. I’m not mad.”

Jennie looks up through her long, wet lashes then – their eyes really meeting, and she feels her stomach fall. Lisa looks so broken and it breaks Jennie all the same. 

Within seconds she’s buried her face in the Thai girls’ neck, breathing her in – her hands reaching for every little part of Lisa she can somehow get a grip on. She’s mumbling “I’m sorry” over and over again.  
She’s still crying, and she probably looks like a fool right now, but that doesn’t matter to her at all. She needs to be close to her – needs her to know that she’s so very sorry.  
Lisa lets her.  
The younger girl wraps her arms around her and just holds her. 

When Jennie finally calms down, her head is on Lisas chest – listening to her heartbeat.  
“They made me do it.”, the small girl mumbles, her hand sliding up and down her friends’ arm. “I guess we went a little too overboard last time they loosened the conditions.”

“I know…I kinda figured.”, Lisa sights and runs her free hand through Jennies hair. “It’s just not getting easier.”

“Do you ever think about what might’ve happened if we chose the other option?”

Jennies question hangs between them and for a moment there’s silence.  
Then Lisa pulls her closer and breathes: “Every day.” 

She places a small kiss on the other girls’ head and closes her eyes.  
“Two more years.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jennie…”, Lisa whispers softly, stroking her back but the older girl doesn’t acknowledge her. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” 
> 
> “It’s fucking not okay!”, Jennie spits - her head snapping up, an expression of sadness and anger in her eyes.  
> “I ruined it… I ruined everything I had been working for the past 12 months.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiiii, aw guys thanks so much for reading this and being so involved in the storyline. i love reading your comments and predictions :) i'm not gonna comment on whether they are true or not though :P 
> 
> hope you enjoy this new chapter. 
> 
> sorry for any errors. thanks for the love.  
> ok byeeeee

### Chapter 6: 

_“Hey.”_

_Nayeon looks up at her and smiles._

_“Hey Lisa. How are you?”_

_“I’m fine and you?” Lisa smiles back, even though she knows it probably looks a little fake. She’s not really a good actress when nervous._

_“Me too. Did you pull through?”, Nayeon asks and there’s an honest and hopeful glint in her eyes.  
Lisa nods.  
“I got lucky. I sure hope you did too?”_

_“Oh please...”, the Korean girl huffs. “That has nothing to do with luck, Lisa. You’ve been killing it.”  
She grins and then adds: “But yeah, I’m also on the lucky end of the food chain.” _

_“That’s good…”, Lisa says – her voice betraying her by cracking mid-sentence. Nayeon looks at her apologetically then and presses her lips together._

_“I know what you want to ask, but I don’t know where she is either. I tried getting a hold of her, but her phone is shut off. I don’t think that’s a good sign.”_

_Lisa’s face falls and she has to swallow hard in order to get her next words out._

_“Okay. Thank you anyway, Nayeon.”_

_“Sure thing, Lisa.”_

_The younger girl bows as a farewell and heads towards the elevators. She has a queasy feeling in her chest that seems to grow by the second._

_Lisa reaches the roof garden and practically sprints out as soon as the doors open. She’s breathing heavy, almost as if she had run up the stairs and she can’t exactly pinpoint why._

_Her feet almost automatically carry her to the left end of the terrace where she spots a small figure hunching on the floor. She can feel her heart skip a beat – relieved but also scared to death.  
When she realizes that the body in front of her trembles, she almost immediately launches forward onto her knees – her arms reaching forward in an attempt to comfort her opponent. _

_“Jennie…”, Lisa whispers softly, stroking her back but the older girl doesn’t acknowledge her. “It’s okay. It’s okay.”_

_“It’s fucking not okay!”, Jennie spits - her head snapping up, an expression of sadness and anger in her eyes.  
“I ruined it… I ruined everything I had been working for the past 12 months.” _

_Lisa can feel her mouth dry out almost instantly and her pulse almost hurts._

_“Did you….”, she can’t even bring herself to say it. Jennies eyes burning holes into her.  
“Did you drop out?”_

_Very suddenly she becomes hyper aware of how frightened she is of the answer to this question. She closes her eyes to brace herself._

_“Not yet.”, she hears Jennie say bitterly and Lisa suppresses the urge to cheer and scream and jump up in joy. After seeing Jennie struggle so hard this month - her dance performance the day before being a complete disaster - Lisa had been inexplicably worried that maybe her friend wouldn’t make the cut this time. Not because Jennie wasn’t still good, but because YG was that strict._

_“I’ve got an F in every class except for Vocals. They told me that I need to be on a C-level minimum in every class next month or else I have to…. Why are you smiling?”_

_Lisa backs away a little bit – she hadn’t even realized that her face was full on beaming._

_“I’m sorry.”, she apologizes rapidly. “It’s just that… I’m so relieved.”_

_“Why?”, Jennie replies short. “The fewer opponents the better, no?”_

_The younger girl looks down at her with an indescribable facial expression then._

_“Jennie-unnie. This is not a competition. We’re a team.”_

_With this she elicits a little smile from the Korean girl – sometimes Lisa was too cute for her own good._

_“We’re gonna debut together. I just know it. I even dreamed about it last week. I’m gonna help you with whatever I can, so you can show them how absolutely spectacular you are.”_

_Jennie remains silent for a moment – the faint smile still visible on her face._

_“You think I’m spectacular?”_

_Lisa is taken aback by this question and Jennie’s sudden change of topic – but her friend’s face seems to soften, so she doesn’t mind at all._

_“I think you’re a lot of things.”, she admits – finally sitting down properly beside the smaller girl. “But they’re all within the range of spectacularism.”_

_Jennie looks at her piercingly then – her facial features mellowing further until her sight is as fond as ever._

_“You’re probably the only person who thinks that.”_

_Lisa swats her arm._

_“Don’t you dare say something so untrue, Jennie Kim.”_

_“How do you know it’s untrue?”_

_“Because...”, Lisa puts both her hands on the other girls’ shoulders. “Because this is you, we’re talking about. Jen, you are talented beyond belief. You have a voice other people would actually kill for because of its diversity. You are a ballad-queen who can spit bars better than Eminem. You dance like you were born with it and your stage presence is out of this world. You’re a determined and hard-working girl who shows more affection to her competitors than other people show their loved ones. You handle press like a pro and you’re one of the smartest people I have ever met. And as if that wasn’t enough, you’re also the most beautiful girl in the world. So yeah, you’re spectacular, Nini. People are going to love you.”_

_Jennie just looks at her. Completely paralyzed.  
Lisa feels a lump forming in her throat and she kinda wishes she would’ve toned her rant down a bit. It’s true though – every word and maybe, just maybe, Jennie needed to hear that. _

_“People?”, the dark-haired girl then murmurs and she searches for something in Lisa’s eyes. Lisa isn’t sure what it is._

_“You said that people are going to love me.”, Jennie explains – short of breath._

_“People all over the world, yes.”, Lisa answers contently._

_“What about you?”_

_Lisa blinks._

_“What about me?”, she repeats perplexed._

_“Are you going to love me too?”, the Korean girl asks – her chest rising in a particularly deep intake of air. Otherwise, her body is completely still._

_Lisa’s mouth falls agape slightly in reflex and her eyes search for a hint within Jennie’s eyes. She’s not sure if she’s reading all this correctly, because if she is, then this could be one of the single most important moments of her life._

_She tries to compose herself, gulping down the nervous knot in her throat. Never breaking the connection between their eyes._

_“I already do.”_

_______

The drive back to the hotel was bubbly – the four of them riding in the same car for the first time in months and it was an unspoken relieve for all of them. 

Rosé was reenacting the funny ways Jisoo had answered some of the questions the interviewer had asked, poking her friend beside her every now and then – while Jisoo just fake-whined, the big smile on her face never wavering though. They’d both felt the shift in the atmosphere and were gladly soaking it up.

Meanwhile, Jennie and Lisa were sitting at the back - their fingers intertwined loosely, laughing along to their friend’s antics.  
Lisa’s slim thump was mindlessly caressing the older girls palm – sending waves of shivers down her spine. Lisa’s touch had always been something else. 

“I mean come on, he totally was... don’t you guys agree?”  
Rosé’s voice pulls them out of their trance and Jennie straightens up a little. 

“Sorry what?”, she asks sheepishly and Rosé grins. 

“I swear, you two…”, she mumbles under her breath and winks. “I just said that the guy was totally flirting with Jisoo here. But she denies – like the baby she is.” 

This earns her a punch to the shoulder from the oldest and laughs from the others. 

“Just because he was being polite and helped me into my coat. I think you’re the baby.”

Rosé gags. “You take that back, you little baby baby.” 

“You’re a baby!”, Jisoo laughs back. 

“Baby!”

“You are.”

“No, you.” 

Lisa shakes her head and can’t suppress a laugh, while her attention switches back to the girl beside her. Jennie is already looking at her through long lashes – her dark orbs sparkling. 

“You know…”, she whispers to the youngster. “I actually think the interview guy was flirting with _you.”_  
She bites her lower lip and waits for a reaction – which she doesn’t have to wait long for. 

“Too bad.”, Lisa says softly. “I already got my baby.”

Jennie blushes whilst her mouth forms into a smile that reaches her eyes and her ears and her heart. She’d missed this kind of moments so much – even if they can only take place in secret.  
For now. 

_Two more years,_ she thinks.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “They’ve been gone for over two hours now.” Lisa gulps and shakes her head again. There are pictures popping up in her head that make her sick to her stomach. 
> 
> Rosé understands without another word.  
> “Don’t do this to yourself.”, she says with a firm voice. “It’s just for the media. You know this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii, 
> 
> i'm already looking forward to your speculations ;) 
> 
> thanks so much for the loveeeee
> 
> ok byeeeee

### Chapter 7:

_“Hello? Lisa-yah? You here?”_

_Rosé peeks in from behind the door, slowly opening it and entering the room._

_“Lisa?”, she tries again but still no answer._

_“Strange.”, the blonde mumbles under her breath as she walks through the suite, looking for her best friend.  
Practice ended a few hours ago so naturally Lisa should be back at the hotel by now. _

_When she stepps into the living-room-area a soft breeze hits her and she quickly discovers that the doors towards the patio were wide open._

_Rosé stepps outside – the cold night air making her shiver a little bit._

_She spots Lisa huddled on a bench - her legs wrapped in a woolen blanket, her head resting on her drawn knees._

_Startled Lisa looks up at the other girl, after said one pulled out both of her earbuds in a quick motion._

_“Geeez Chaeng, what the fuck? You almost gave me a heart attack.”_

_Rosé grins and squeezes herself onto the bench with Lisa – making the Thai girl sit up a bit straighter in the process.  
“Oh, I’m sorry your majesty. It’s not my fault you didn’t hear me because you were so occupied in listening to…” The older one swiftly snatches the phone out of her friend’s hands. “The YingYang-playlist.” _

_Rosé’s eyes shift from her phone to Lisa’s face and back – her features turning strained._

_“Lisa…”, she begins gently, but she’s being interrupted by her counterpart._

_“I don’t wanna talk about it right now, Rosé.”_

_“But…”_

_“I said not right now!”, Lisa shouts – her eyes furious, making Rosé back up. They hold each other’s gaze for a moment, before the younger one breaks the connection – her frown turning into a pained expression._

_“I’m sorry.”, she whispers – hanging her head and shaking it barely noticeably._

_Rosé reaches forward then – touching Lisa’s hands carefully. When she doesn’t flinch, the older girl pulls her in for a hug. Lisa lets her._

_They stay in their embrace until Lisa’s breathing steadies.  
Rosé withdraws a little – never stopping rubbing the other girls’ back. _

_“This is so stupid.”, Lisa groans. “Why am I so pathetic…”_

_“Hey no, stop it. You’re not pathetic.”, Rosé objects as she places a finger under the youngsters’ chin in order to make her look at her._

_“They’ve been gone for over two hours now.” Lisa gulps and shakes her head again. There are pictures popping up in her head that make her sick to her stomach._

_Rosé understands without another word.  
“Don’t do this to yourself.”, she says with a firm voice. “It’s just for the media. You know this.” _

_“I know... but I…”_

_“Lisa… I understand that it’s an irritating situation, but you know that Jennie would never ever do something to hurt you. It’s only for the contract.”_

_The younger one bites her lips and there’s a single nod. She’s sure that Rosé is right, but still her mind won’t shut up – making her head spin._

_“I’m just so scared that she realizes how easy it could be - if it wasn’t for me.”, Lisa chokes. She can feel her tear ducks filling up and her stomach suddenly begins to hurt like hell._

_“Do you really think_ Jennie _gives a fuck about_ easy? _Did you meet her?”_

_Lisa’s face is a mixture between pain and laughter then – but before she can even put out a reply, there’s another flash of pain in her mid which almost makes her throw up on top of Rosé.  
She slaps her hands over her mouth as her eyes go big and she’s fast up from the bench – the other girl running behind her just in time to hold back her hair as she vomits into the nearest plant pot. _

_\--_

_It’s past 11 when Lisa opens her eyes – a warm light coming from her bedside table illuminating the room. The bucket Rosé had placed beside her bed was gone._

_Groaning Lisa rolled over and was immediately met with two dark eyes staring at her._

_“Hey sleepy-head.”, Jennie smiled at her – reaching forward to push away a strand of hair that had fallen into Lisa’s face._

_The younger girl could feel her insides twist again at the sight in front of her._

_“Are you feeling better?”, Jennie asked – a concerned look taking over her features. “Did you take your medicine?”_

_Lisa nodded. The soft touch of Jennies fingers on her face leaving goosebumps on her arms and she had to bite back a smile.  
The smaller girl sighted – her hand resting on her friend’s cheek. _

_“I’m gone three hours and you decide to pull the sick card. Do you know how guilty I feel now?”_

_Lisa chuckles and presses her eyes together tightly._

_“Maybe I was sick because you had been gone for too long…”, she then stated, and Jennie’s face went pensive._

_“Baby…”_

_“I know, I know. I’m being stupid.”_

_Lisa turns her head into the mattress in order to avoid Jennie’s glance – one eye opening halfway, looking up at the other girl abashed.  
Jennie can’t help but smile at the cuteness and she scoots closer – gladly soaking up the warmth radiating from Lisa’s body. _

_“You are a little bit. But I already knew that so... No surprise there.”, Jennie teases – earning herself a slap on the arm._

_“Woah easy there, unnie. I’m sick, remember? You have to be nice to me.”_

_Jennies eyes cloud at that and her face falls again. Lisa, realizing her mistake, puts both hands on top of the other ones cheeks – caressing her gently._

_“I’m just joking around, Nini. I feel fine now – honestly.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yes. I wouldn’t lie to you.”_

_Jennie nods, but still the lingering feeling in her chest makes it a little harder to breathe and it had been like that for quite some time now._

_“Sooo.. you wanna tell me about your date?”, Lisa begins – the topic being on her mind for far too long now and she needed to get it off her chest or she might get sick to her stomach again. She wants to act cool, but she’s pretty sure her eyes give her away. Either way, Jennie had always been able to read her like a book anyway._

_“It wasn’t a date.”, the older girl clarified – putting her hands on top of Lisa’s._

_“Pretty sure we’ll be reading something different in the news tomorrow.”, Lisa continued, and Jennie frowned at that._

_“It’s just a contract, Lisa.”_

_“Heard that one before.”, the younger girl murmurs and Jennie looks at her alarmed then._

_“Are you really worried about this? About him?”_

_Lisa shrugs and takes a deep breath before answering._

_“I’m worried that you might like how easy it is with him.”_

_Jennies eyes go soft and she kisses both of Lisa’s hands successively._

_“I don’t want easy, baby. I want_ you!”

__________

Jennie plops down on her bed with a groan – the noise waking up Kuma and Kai who were sleeping on her pillow. 

“Sorry guys.”, Jennie mumbles and pets both of their heads quickly. What a good life they had. No cameras in their faces 24/7. No adapted behavior wherever they went. No busy schedule. No suppressed feelings. 

“Jen?”, she perceives her mother’s voice on the other side of her bedroom-door. 

“Come in.”, Jennie tells her and sits up a bit straighter when the older woman enters.

“Hi darling.”, her mom greets her by bending down and placing a soft kiss on her head. “How are you?”

“Fine.”, Jennie answers sincere and her mother nods – sitting down beside her, looking over her face. She has this look on her face that Jennie knows since she’s been a child. It’s the “I don’t-believe-you”-look. 

“Are you sure?”, she then wants to know and she’s quick to smoothen her daughter’s hair with her hands.  
“How’s Lisa holding up?”

Jennie is taken aback by this change of topic and she furrows her brows. Her mother just stares at her – waiting for an answer. 

“I… She’s fine?” It’s more a question than an answer and when her mother’s only response is “Mhm” something within Jennie snaps. Her mouth becomes dry and she starts sweating just by thinking of it. 

“Why? What do you know?”

Her mom looks a little uneasy, as if she had been caught doing something illegal. She clears her throat and then adds: “It’s just that I had a phone call with Chitthip earlier and she said that Lisa had been seeing the doctors again. I don’t know any details though – we we’re cut short but maybe you should ask her about it.”

Jennie finds herself completely frozen. She’s not even sure if she heard her mother correctly because the blood is rushing in her ears and her heart is as loud as the beat in a club gets.  
This surely can’t be true. 

“I… I did ask her. She said… she said it was just stress. I mean... she would’ve told me, right? If she… she would tell me that. She totally would… She would never… I…”

Her mom’s hands rub her upper arms – trying to calm her down.

“It’s probably nothing, honey. Maybe she just got some vitamin shots.” 

“Yeah…”, Jennie breathes as she blindly reached for her phone. “Yeah, sure.”  
She doesn’t even believe herself, but she says it to get rid of her mother who’s still trying to comfort her – but she’s not the person Jennie needs comfort from right now. 

“I need to make a call. Can you...?”, she looks over at the door and her mother understands. She gets up – an apologetic look on her face and heads out – leaving an absolutely stunned Jennie behind. 

She’s not even sure she’s breathing while she’s dialing Lisa’s number.  
While she’s waiting for the other girl to accept her call, Jennie finds her heart breaking and only a single thought in her head: _Two more years._


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The smooth movements of a lightly dressed body swaying to an alluring tune while dark orbs were staring into her own. Arms reaching forward – wrapping around her neck and then the body lowering itself into her lap. Her hands finding their way up the delicate curves – never breaking the eye contact and then lips are close to her ear, a soft voice moaning….  
> “Jennie.”
> 
> Her heart is racing like crazy and there’s an unknown feeling in her tummy. 
> 
> “Jennie?”
> 
> Her breath catches in her throat and the blood freezes in her veins when she suddenly realizes that she’s not dreaming anymore.   
> She’s never been so afraid in her whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hah, i just love you guys. thanks for reading and liking my little story :)   
> i love your comments ;D 
> 
> ok byeeeee

###  Chapter 8: 

_“Hello? Earth to Jennie? Someone there?”_

_There’s giggling all around and the sound, as well as Nayeon’s hand waving in front of her face, brings her back – realizing she had been zooming out for quite some time, not a clue about the topic at hands._

_“Yeah sorry, what?”_

_The group of trainees around her laugh even harder at that and Jennie feels her cheeks redden. Her gaze wanders briefly to the tall girl who’s sitting between the others – averting her glance immediately when she realizes that said one is already looking at her._

_“God, where have you been just now?”, Nayeon asks with a grin and someone beside her snickers: “She’s probably already daydreaming about meeting the boys.”_

_Jennie is dazzled and she looks over at her Korean friend questioningly. She had absolutely no idea what was going on. Out of the corner of her eye she sees the new girl, Jisoo, whisper something to the foreign tall girl and something in Jennie’s chest starts feeling strange.  
“I asked which one of the boys you fancy the most.”, Nayeon tries again and this time Jennie hears her. She can feel a dozen eyes on her as she tries to think of an appropriate reaction, even though she couldn’t care less. _

_“Uh, I don’t know…”, she shrugs. “I never really thought about it.”_

_There are a few sharp intakes of breath audible after her statement and Jennie has to control herself to not roll her eyes. What was it with these girls and male idols? She had never understood that obsession._

_“I guess I just don’t spend my time thinking about boys.”, Jennie tries to clarify – only making it worse. One girl at the back of the room sneering: “What you thinking about then? Girls?”_

_There’s laughter again and Jennie feels the heath rise to her face. She can feel a lot of eyes on her, but there are two in particular that seem to burn literal holes into her.  
She turns her head in a swift motion then, glaring at the trainee who had voiced the last remark. If looks could kill, then Jennie would’ve just committed a murder right now. _

_“No.”, she spits. “I think about how I’m not gonna fucking remember your name when you work for me after I became a famous idol and you got cut from the program because you were thinking about boys rather than busting your ass in here.”_

_The silence that follows her outburst builds up a tension that could be cut with a knife. Jennie rises from her seat and she’s out of the door before anyone can say something else._

_It’s only once she’s stepping out onto the patio of the YG building that she realizes just how fast her heart is beating. She can feel the pulse in her throat and clenches her fists in attempt to calm down._

_Who the hell does this girl think she is?  
Funnily enough, when that thought crosses her mind, the mental picture she receives is a different one than she expects.  
It’s long legs and a bob, big brown eyes, cherry mouth, a yellow sweater and long, slender fingers…. “Fuck.”, Jennie whispers to herself and she closes her eyes. “Breathe Jennie… just breathe.”_

_She takes three deep breaths and counts to ten. There are goosebumps on her arms and there’s a tingling sensation in her chest.  
For some unknown, stupid reason her mind decides to travel back to the daydream she had right before Nayeon had disrupted her.  
The smooth movements of a lightly dressed body swaying to an alluring tune while dark orbs were staring into her own. Arms reaching forward – wrapping around her neck and then the body lowering itself into her lap. Her hands finding their way up the delicate curves – never breaking the eye contact and then lips are close to her ear, a soft voice moaning….  
“Jennie.”_

_Her heart is racing like crazy and there’s an unknown feeling in her tummy._

_“Jennie?”_

_Her breath catches in her throat and the blood freezes in her veins when she suddenly realizes that she’s not dreaming anymore.  
She’s never been so afraid in her whole life. _

_When she dares to open her eyes, she’s met with the same dark chocolate eyes that she’d been thinking about._

_“Hey.”, Lisa smiles nervously. “You okay?”_

_Jennie just stands there. Dumbfounded. Like a fool._

_“I’m sorry, I don’t wanna bother you I just…”_

_Lisa looks at her carefully._

_“I just wanted to check if you’re alright. You know... because of… what happened downstairs.”_

_She looks shy and maybe a little embarrassed and all Jennie can do is stare at her some more. For some reason, she still isn’t able to move or talk – her body trapped in utter shock._

_Lisa gets a little uneasy and she bites her lower lip, her eyes searching Jennies - which really doesn’t help at all.  
Should she tell her? Should she let her know that ever since she had stepped through that door and unintentionally became a part of Jennies life, that the Korean girl couldn’t stop thinking about her? Should she admit that she was only being bitchy to her to hide that fact? Should she open up about how terrified she was to feel this way? Should she just be honest for once? _

_“You know, I know that you don’t like me but… for what it’s worth, I think that you were right. Boys really aren’t worth thinking about them that much and…”_

_Lisa stops talking when suddenly Jennie takes a step forward, their faces now only inches apart.  
It was like she was on autopilot. The Korean girl had absolutely no control over her body whatsoever and she wants to apologize so bad for her behavior. For the way she had made Lisa feel bad and for letting her think that she didn’t like her.   
But instead, she lunges forward – closing the gap between their faces and pushing her lips onto the taller girls’. _

_She isn’t really surprised by the fact that their mouths mold perfectly together – but how Lisa stands perfectly still and doesn’t push her away immediately surprises her tremendously and makes her heart jump above all. This was better than her dreams._

_When realization hits her and Lisa draws back – looking at Jennie with even bigger eyes than usual, something in the universe shifts. Jennie feels like she is standing on the edge of a cliff - ready to fall or fly away._

_And then Lisa leaves without a word and Jennie crashes._

_____

_“Can we please not talk about this over the phone?”_

Jennie is sitting at their table in their favorite café in Seoul – a quiet and small place where people usually tend to leave them alone.   
She’s shaking her foot like she always does when she’s on edge and she doesn’t know if she should be afraid or angry or both or nothing. 

She just can’t believe that there’s actually something important that Lisa decided not to tell her. 

“Hey…”, Lisa’s voice is close to her ear when she hugs her from behind, placing a small kiss on her neck. 

Jennie doesn’t greet her back – frustration taking over and Lisa sights when she sits down in front of the smaller girl. 

They lock eyes for a moment and the sad smile tugging on Lisa’s lips softens Jennie’s shell within a second.   
Lisa’s eyes are watery and Jennie’s heart sinks. She wants to scream but instead she mumbles:  
“It’s back isn’t it?”

The silence between them already answers her question, but when Lisa nods her head Jennie feels like someone had just hit her with a truck. Her whole body hurts, and she can feel tears streaming down her cheeks. It’s like a dam broke. 

She feels numb, but then she remembers that the girl in front of her is still there and she wipes at her eyes. Her vision is still blurry when she falls onto her knees, pulling Lisa into an embrace – kissing her face all over.   
She knows that if someone was to see them, taking pictures or whatever that they would be screwed – but she couldn’t care less in that moment. She would give it all up in a heartbeat, if only she could make Lisa feel better right now. 

“You’ll be okay.”, Jennie sniffs into the other girls’ hair – tightening her grip even more.   
“We’ll get through it. You can do this. Again.”

Lisa’s nod is almost imperceptible – but it’s there and Jennie can’t help but smile. 

“I have to.”, Lisa whispers. “It’s only two more years.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dear Lisa, 
> 
> it’s been 5 weeks since I kissed you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm baaack. sorry for the slightly longer wait. i'm absorbed in my studies atm. baah. 
> 
> anyway, here's chapter 9. hope you guys enjoy.

### Chapter 9: 

_  
“Sooooo…”, Rosé draws out, her eyes wandering from the bracelet on Lisa’s wrist back to her face._

_“Can I ask you something private?”_

_Lisa narrows her eyes at her new friend – not really used to that kind of tone in her voice. She met Rosé a little over three months ago and they already know each other like the inside of their pockets. But never had she experienced the slightly older girl being tense whilst talking to her. Yeah, they fight sometimes and call each other mean names, but even then, they are always comfortable with one another. So it makes Lisa kinda nervous that right now, Rosé seems not so much at ease._

_“Um. Sure.”, she says with a careful look._

_Her friend fiddles with the hem of her shirt and it makes Lisa edgy._

_“But promise me you won’t get mad or anything.”_

_Lisa gives her a tight-lipped smile. “Just shoot, Chae.”_

_“I was just wondering...”, Rosé starts slowly. “Is there something going on between you and Jennie Kim?”_

_Their eyes meet again, and Lisa can’t suppress the stunned expression appearing on her face.  
She swallows hard and contemplates whether she should tell the truth or not. She almost decides to brush it off, but then again, it’s Rosé – the girl who had become like a sister to her within the first days of knowing each other, so there’s really no use in lying to her. _

_“Mhhh...”, Lisa makes and darts her eyes. “I’m not sure.”_

_She expects Rosé to look at her questionably, but when she glances back, the fellow trainee just nods understandingly._

_“Okay.”, the she says and her eyes narrow – lost in a thought._

_“Okay?”, Lisa mimics and pokes Rosé’s cheek. “Why do you ask, Chaeng?”_

_“Umm, it’s just that.. I was talking to Jisoo the other day and she might have mentioned that she found something in Jennie’s trash.”_

_Lisa is taken aback._

_“She went through Jennie’s trash?”_

_“It’s ChuChu…”_

_“Right. Yeah, makes sense.”_

_“She said that she found it_ accidentally.” 

_They both laugh - knowing all too well how nosy their friend was. Jisoo finding out personal stuff about them was nothing new. She just had a way with people and ever since the oldest girl started hanging out with Rosé, Lisa got kinda attached to her as well._

_“So... you gonna tell me what trash she found that made you ask me this question?_

_Rosé glances at her funny then, and yet again, it makes Lisa nervous._

_“Do you want to tell what’s really up first, maybe?”_

_Lisa feels dazzled all of a sudden and she can feel herself start to sweat like that one time she forgot about a spelling test in elementary school. She almost died on the inside._

_“It’s not… I mean… It’s not a big deal… She just… I mean we…”_

_She could hear her stuttering and wanted to facepalm herself for not being able to keep her cool.  
Rosé stays patient with her though – lets her ramble on, quietly sitting in front her. _

_“A while back… um… Jennie had kissed me.”_

_Lisa’s eyes stay glued to the floor – too afraid of her friend’s reaction. Rosé was cool and open minded, living in Australia and all – sure, but Korean culture was strict, even abroad, and they had never talked about this kind of topic._

_“And did you kiss her back?”_

_Lisa’s head snaps back up and her gaze falls on the older girl - relieve washing over her. She shrugs._

_“I don’t know... I guess? I mean, I was really surprised. I had never been kissed before and up until then I always thought Jennie kind of hated me.”_

_She swallows hard once again at the memory and ads: “By now I know for sure that she does…”_

_Rosé laughs. Loudly._

_“Oh come on, Lis. She kisses you and you still think she hates you? That’s kind of-.” “I ran away.”, Lisa interrupts – making her point._

_Rosé blinks – trying to connect the dots._

_“You ran? Like in, you ran away from her after she kissed you?”_

_“Yeah…”_

_“Oh.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Was she that bad of a kisser?”, Rosé smirks – but not for long. A fist colliding with her shoulder replaces the smirk with a front in a matter of seconds._

_“Ouch!”, she says while rubbing the spot Lisa had just abused. “How the hell are you so skinny yet so strong?”_

_“Because I work out, Miss lazy-pants.”_

_“Oi, I will let you know that I had 13 hours of dance practice today. Thank you very much.”_

_“Hah! Good, you need it.”_

_This time it is Lisa who receives a hard slap on her tight. They both giggle._

_“Anywaaaaay…”, Rosé drags out, snapping her fingers in front of Lisa to get her to focus again._

_“Jennie Kim kissed you. And you ran. And then?”_

_Lisa gets up from her spot and walks over to her bed – letting her body fall onto the mattress, arms and legs spread out. Exhausted._

_“And then nothing. I never had the guts to say anything to her – figured she would be mad. She didn’t say nothing either, so we’re back to square one.”_

_“Mhh...”, Rosé makes, shoving her hand into her backpack sitting on Lisa’s desk and pulling out a poor-looking piece of paper. She unfolds and wiggles it in front of her friends’ face.  
“I wouldn’t be too sure about that.” _

_“What is it?”, Lisa wants to know – trying to catch a glimpse, but Rosé doesn't let her._

_“This, my dear, is a love letter to one Miss Lalisa Manoban from the one and only Miss Jennie Kim herself.”, Rosé smirks.  
_

_________

“Hi sweetheart, come on. Come in.”

Jennie gives the older woman and side-hug and steps into the apartment. It smells like home. 

“I’m afraid it’s not a good day, honey.”

Jennie stops in her tracks and feels her chest tighten a little. Leo waggling around her ankles helps, but only a little. She bends down to stroke his perfectly soft fur and looks up at Lisa’s mom who just smiles sadly at her. 

“Thank you for looking after her today, Chitthip. It helps her so much having you around.” 

The woman’s small smile turns into a brighter one at Jennie’s words and she touches the girl’s shoulder gently. 

“I’m her mother.”, is the only thing the Thai woman says, before gesturing towards Lisa’s bedroom door.  
“She’ll be very happy to see you.”

Jennie understands and gets up – maneuvering her way around the cats who all came to greet her. 

“Later guys.”, Jennie tames them. “I have to check up on your mommy first.”

She opens Lisa’s door just slightly and slips in without leaving the cats the chance to follow her. She can hear them meowing on the other side and can't help but find it the cutest thing how they always want to be with Lisa.   
The younger girl is laying on top of her covers – her back turned towards the door. 

Jennie can feel the energy in the room and she knows it’s not very good. She’s been in here a thousand times and she can always tell Lisa’s mood just by stepping into her personal space.  
She sights and clenches her jaw. She had hoped that today would be better.

Lisa stirs when Jennies weight makes the bed move somewhat and when she rolls over and her eyes flutter open – the older girl is already lying beside her. 

“Hey there, sleepyhead.”, Jennie mumbles – her hand wandering up to Lisa’s furrowed brows, smoothening them. “How are you feeling?”

Lisa groans and closes her eyes again.  
“Can you ask me something other than that? Anything really, just not that.”

“Okay.”, Jennie replies. “Then my next question would be, if you still like surprises?”  
There are a pair of eyes on her again within seconds and she has to giggle at the spark emerging from them. Maybe today doesn't need to remain a bad day. 

“Depends…”, Lisa yawns and straightens up a bit. “Are you part of it?”

“Mhm.”

“Then yes, I would like to be surprised.”

Her response generates a huge smile on Jennie’s face and the smaller girl reaches for her Chanel-bag. She pulls out an envelope that looks like Kuma had been chewing on it. 

Lisa looks at her suspiciously - but nonetheless Jennie can feel how the energy around her changes. 

“You surprise me with trash?” 

The Korean girl rolls her eyes and holds the paper under her friend’s nose. 

“Open it.”

Lisa’s eyes never leave Jennie’s face as she follows her orders – ripping open the envelope and removing the content. The anticipation on the older girl’s face was just too cute. 

“Oh look, more paper.”, Lisa grins as she unfolds the piece. 

“Just read it, dummy.”, Jennie returns – biting her lip. She was getting more nervous by the second. 

“Dear Lisa, 

it’s been 5 weeks since I kissed you on that rooftop.” 

Lisa looks up, meeting Jennies eyes – then back at the letter in her hands – then back up. Her mouth is wide open when she shakes her head slowly. 

“You… you… where did you get this?” 

Jennie smiles at the dumbfounded look on her face. Flustered Lisa was her favorite. 

“Rosé gave it back to me a few years ago when you first got the diagnosis. She figured it was probably good to have something that reminded me of the real you during the hard times.” 

Lisa just blinks. 

“She also told me that you never read it…. Unlike her and Chu I assume.” 

The younger girl grins at her last remark. 

“I promised myself that I would only read it when you actually intentionally gave it to me.”, she explains, and Jennie leans forward to place a small kiss on her forehead. 

“Such a good heart. So I’m giving it to you now.”

“Okay...”, Lisa nods – her pale cheeks blushing just a tiny bit. 

“Could you read it for me though? My head kinda hurts today. Please?” 

“Of course.” Jennie takes the letter out of Lisa’s hands and brings herself into a comfortable position. Lisa lays her head on Jennie’s chest and closes her eyes. 

“Dear Lisa, 

it’s been 5 weeks since I kissed you on that rooftop.  
5 weeks since I kissed you and you ran. You ran out of me.  
I get it though. I would be lying if I said that your reaction surprised me. It didn’t. Not really. When someone gets taken by surprise – like someone they thought hated them suddenly kissing them – then one’s first instinct is to run. To run far - which you did. You ran back in time.

Sometimes I wish I could run back in time too, so I could tell you how you absolutely mesmerized me that first day I met you, when you shut everybody’s mouths with one single dance. The way you moved when you danced was out of this world – still is – and for the first time here at YG I was truly obsessed with someone else’s talents. I should've just told you then.   
Or that time we met in the middle of the night in the practice-room and I felt like I was still in my bed dreaming when I saw you in your cute yellow sweatpants and I finally had the guts to introduce myself to you. I should've accepted your help back then.  
The countless times I was staring at you during classes and you looked over at me - I shouldn't have lowered my gaze. 

You see, Lisa, I remember everything and I wish I had done it differently. I wish I had better confidence and no weird self-protection-mechanism like shutting people off and acting cold.  
When I realized that I liked you - and I do - I was so lost. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to act. I was afraid. I still am. So afraid of how easy you make me laugh under my breath, of how I feel when I watch you dance, of how my night- and daydreams were suddenly all about you and not about what they should be. 

Lisa, my dreams are still about you.  
5 weeks later. And I have a weird feeling that this won’t change for an even longer time.  
There’s something about you that makes my whole world light up. And it's addicting.   
Maybe you’re the sun.  
I think you’re the sun. 

Please, always keep shining. 

Love,  
J” 

When Jennie ends – she can feel a lump forming in her throat. Maybe her life would be so much different, if she had just given her the letter back then when they we’re trainees. 

She can feel Lisa place a kiss on her collarbone and mumble something unintelligible into her skin. 

“What was that?”, Jennie whispered – placing the letter on Lisa’s nightstand. 

The younger girl reaches around her waist to pull her closer as her mouth is right next to Jennie’s ear replying: “I will always shine for you – no matter what happens.” 

Jennie isn’t sure then if she should cry or laugh so instead, she leans in and kisses Lisa hard – their mouths in sync within no time. How could Jennie’s dreams ever be about something else, when Lisa tasted like this? How had she ever been able to live without it? And how would she ever be able to do so again? 

_Only two more years,_ Jennie thinks.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Dumplings.”, Lisa says and copies the other girls act from before – reaching out and squishing Jennie’s cheeks between her fingers. 
> 
> “I beg your pardon?”, the Korean girl laughs.
> 
> “Sometimes you look like dumplings. It’s cute.”, Lisa explains, as she lets her arm sink slowly – her hand falling on top of Jennie’s. It’s totally an accident. 
> 
> Except it’s not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ___________________________________________________________  
> oh my god. you guys are the best! i can't get over your comments. you crack me up:D
> 
> never thought that i'd make money out of this fic - but hey, sure - maybe i'll drop my bank details for you someday;)  
> (i won't lol) 
> 
> but i know, i've been playing with y'alls feelings. i'm sorry.  
> here's an attempt to ease your pain.  
> for now:P
> 
> have fun and tell me what you think. 
> 
> ok byeeee  
> ___________________________________________________________

### Chapter 10: 

_“What do you think? It’s too much, isn’t it?”_

_Rosé looks up from the magazine she’s been reading and almost chokes on her sharp intake of air that the sight in front of her evokes.  
She’s never really seen Lisa wearing anything other than her sweatpants and oversized shirts from the men’s section. So naturally, she’s pretty stunned at Lisa’s appearance right now.  
Black skinny jeans, white Vans, a cute white crop top and a light blue jeans jacket. Her black hair long enough to fall over her shoulders and a single heart-shaped hairpin completing her look.  
She looked just…_

_“Wow!”, Rosé exclaims and doesn’t even try to hide her staring. “You look fabulous.”_

_Lisa blushes slightly and shakes her head – not used to receive such reactions to her looks._

_“She won’t be able to keep her hands off of you.”_

_Rosé grins like she’s ate a clown and Lisa’s blush intensifies. She moves forward – ready to strangle her friend – but she’s stopped by a faint knock on the door.  
Her eyes go wide immediately, and she feels her body freeze – suddenly very aware of her racing heart.  
Rosé’s gaze flicks from Lisa to the door and back – slightly confused. _

_“You… You wanna maybe let her in?”, she asks in hushed voice._

_There’s another knock. This time it’s a little louder than the last._

_Lisa presses her eyes shut and tries to steady her trembling hands._

_“I don’t think I can do this.”, she panics, and her dark eyes look helplessly at the Australian girl._

_Rosé is quick on her feet, grabbing Lisa’s shoulders rather firmly._

Knock, knock, knock. 

_“Coming!”, Rosé calls, while her sight is still glued to her vis-à-vis._

_She softly shakes her._

_“Lisa… you need to snap out of it. You can do this. You were looking forward to it this whole week. Don’t be a wimp now.”_

_Lisa just stares at her._

_“Okay, let’s take three deep breaths and then I’m gonna open the door, alright?”  
There’s no answer, so Rosé just starts counting - the other girl following her example. _

_One._

_Two._

_Three._

_There’s another, very insecure knock on Lisa’s door and then a thin voice: “I can come back later if you ---.”_

_Lisa leaps forward and tears open the door in a swift motion._

_Jennie lets out a startled scream – completely caught off guard. Her hand finds its way over her chest and she leans onto the doorframe for a second._

_“Jesus Christ…”, she breathes and for a moment Lisa thinks she’s actually ruined this within the first two seconds – but then Jennie starts laughing and when she opens her eyes to look at the tall girl standing in the door, her face lights up even more.  
That sight happens to calm Lisa’s nerves instantly – it’s like someone switched off her anxiety. _

_“God, I’m so sorry. You okay?”, she grins and reaches out to touch Jennie’s arm in an attempt of comfort her._

_“I think I’ll live.”, the smaller girl smiles and she can’t help but let her gaze wander over Lisa very obviously._

_“Like what you see huh?”_

_Rosé appears out of nowhere – one arm slung over Lisa’s shoulders, a mischievous expression on her face._

_Jennie turns red on the spot and presses her lips together, while Lisa rolls her eyes at her bestie._

_“Hi Rosé.”, the oldest of them mouths – clearly uncomfortable by the whole situation. “I hadn’t realized you were in there.”_

_“She actually wanted to leave like hours ago, but she’s a pain in the ass and has no other friends so…”_

_“Oi!”, Rosé exclaims and feigns a shocked facial expression. “I have a lot of friends, I’ll let you know. Actually, I even have a playdate with one of them tonight.”_

_Lisa slightly shakes her head and brushes off the other girl’s arm that is still around her._

_“Perfect. Leave then.”, she says emphatically._

_“Was just about to. The nervous tension around here is too much for me anyway.”_

_Rosé sticks out her tongue at Lisa and gives Jennie a smile._

_“Have fun at your daaaate guys.”, the Australian calls back over her shoulder when she’s a few feet away and she’s pretty sure she hears Lisa say ‘sorry about that’ under her breath to the other girl._

_Anyhow, it only makes Rosé’s smile bigger._

___

_“So, how do you know about this place?”, Lisa asks and looks around. The café is nearly empty – only a cute older couple sitting at the other end of the room, completely trapped in their own world._

_Jennie follows her view – nervously looking away when the couple shares a kiss. She looks over at Lisa and they both blush, so Jennie clears her throat and shrugs._

_“I was just wandering around one day and found it. You can call it a happy coincidence I guess.”_

_“I like happy coincidences.”, Lisa admits. “Quite the big fan actually.”_

_Jennie grins and she can already feel her cheeks hurt a little. She hasn’t really stopped smiling ever since they left the YG building an hour ago.  
They had both been pretty nervous in the first few minutes, but just like she had expected, being around Lisa was just so... right.  
There were few things in this world that came really easy to Jennie – being herself with this girl? It was one of them. _

_“What kind of coincidences have you experienced so far?”, the older one asks after taking a sip of her green tea._

_Lisa mirrors her and gulps down some of her chocolate milk. Such a kid – even at fifteen._

_“Hmm... when I was six, my step-father took me to his workplace and I ended up playing with this little boy. Some years later when I joined a dance group this boy happened to be on the same team. He became my best friend, so I would say that’s a pretty happy coincidence. And when I happened to pass the audition at YG – another happy coincidence by the way – he was also selected. He’s actually over at JYP with the male trainees.”_

_Jennie listens attentively, nodding along to Lisa’s story. She’s silent for a second then, and Lisa’s afraid that she overshared – again, but then Jennie says: “That’s not a coincidence, you know.”_

_“What isn’t?”_

_“You passing the audition.”, Jennie clarifies. “You’re one of the most talented girls I’ve seen to date. And I don’t think there will be someone better in decades probably.”_

_Lisa blinks – suddenly shy because of the compliment._

_Jennie smirks and plucks up the courage to reach forward and poke Lisa’s rosy cheek._

_“You know what I find a happy coincidence?”, she asks, and Lisa shakes her head._

_“How you and I happen to be K-pop trainees at the same company, in the same country, at the same time.”_

_They both smile at each other._

_Sunshine, Jennie thinks while looking at her counterpart._

_“Dumplings.”, Lisa says and copies the other girls act from before – reaching out and squishing Jennie’s cheeks between her fingers._

_“I beg your pardon?”, the Korean girl laughs – staying firm in place though, not wanting to do anything that made Lisa draw back her arm. The touch of her fingertips brushing against her skin making the hairs on her arm stand up._

_“Sometimes you look like dumplings. It’s cute.”, Lisa explains, as she lets her arm sink slowly – her hand falling on top of Jennie’s. It’s totally an accident. Except it’s not._

_Jennie presses her lips together tightly, afraid that otherwise she might scream._

_“I know a good place to eat dumplings if you’re ever hungry for some.”_

_Lisa huffs and with one swift motion, she interlaces their fingers together – Jennie thinks she might pass out._

_“I’m always hungry for dumplings.”_

_They let Lisa’s words hang between them for a moment – before both of them burst out laughing._

_“You’re so bad at flirting...”, Jennie points out while still trying to calm down and Lisa just squeezes her hand._

_“Yeah well…”, she says. “You’ll just have to ask me out again and again so I can practice then.”_

_The older girl nods happily – a spark appearing in her eyes._

_“Gladly.”, she assures as she gets up from her chair – not letting go of Lisa’s hand in the process though._

_“Come on.”, she says and gestures towards the entrance._

_“Where are we going?”, Lisa asks slightly confused._

_“We’re gonna get you these dumplings.”_

________

The clock shows 03:34 when she wakes up. She has to blink a few times in order for her eyes to adapt to the darkness and she’s able to make out the outlines of her room. 

She’s used to not sleeping properly by now – waking up multiple times during the night has become normality. Sometimes it’s the side effects of the drugs but mostly it’s her dreams. They have become this unbearable pain again – always about the same fears, haunting her. 

She shifts a little and feels the grip of a small hand on her shirt tightening. 

Jennie sights in her sleep and moves closer unconsciously. Lisa tilts her head so she can look at her – the other girls face just inches from hers.  
She looks so content – her face unstrained and peaceful. Smooth skin, rosy lips, dumpling cheeks. 

“You’re so beautiful.”, Lisa whispers into the darkness. She can feel the butterflies waking inside her stomach and she has to bite back a laugh. Sometimes it even surprises her, how just the sight or the thought of Jennie still makes her feel like this. 

“You are more beautiful.”

The words are spoken in such a soft way that she’s not sure if she’s heard right – but then Jennie’s eyes flutter open and look at her with so much love that Lisa’s breath catches in her throat. 

“I’m sorry, did I wake you up?”, she asks apologetically, but Jennie shakes her head while still staring at her. 

“I was only dozing.” 

The grip on Lisa’s shirt becomes loose and then the Korean girls hand finds its way under her shirt, caressing the soft spot on her waist. Lisa sights and closes her eyes at the touch. 

“Penny for your thoughts.”, Jennie breathes, bending her head until her nose touches Lisa’s softly. 

The younger girl opens her eyes and moves her hand up to Jennie’s neck.  
She tugs, until their faces are touching and she’s able to capture rosy lips with her own. 

It’s tender. 

_Like sunshine,_ Jennie thinks and smiles into it. 

Lisa let’s her go but keeps their close proximity upright. She’s staring into Jennie’s dark orbs and it feels like she’s staring right into her soul. She has always been able to do that. Ever since they first met and when in the beginning it scared the shit out of Jennie, now she couldn’t think of anything more beautiful. 

“I was thinking about how much I love you.”, Lisa then says, and her words hold so much truth that Jennie almost starts crying happy tears. 

Lisa smiles. 

“And about how I really want dumplings.” 

It takes a second, but then Jennie starts laughing and when Lisa joins in – the world almost seemes alright again. 

Almost. 

_Two more years._


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You know…”, Jennie whispers against Lisa’s lips. “Sometimes…. Sometimes I think about withdrawing from the contract.” 
> 
> Lisa leans back a bit then, her eyes searching Jennie’s piercingly. 
> 
> Then she nods. 
> 
> “Yeah.”

### Chapter 11: 

_It’s wrong. It’s just so completely and utterly wrong.  
Everything about this screams injustice.  
Sure, there are other things wrong in this world – too much of it honestly – but nothing even compares to this. _

_Lisa is pure. Lisa is honest. Lisa is fun. Lisa is beautiful. Lisa is understanding. Lisa is attentive. Lisa is talented. Lisa is humble. Lisa is good.  
And Lisa is sick. _

_Jennie still feels nauseous just thinking about it.  
She’s never been the religious type, but she’s always had some sort of faith in the universe. In life. Like karma or something. But that for sure went out the window the moment Lisa had told her about her condition.  
Honestly? There was no way that something like karma existed and if it did, it could gladly go fuck itself. _

_Jennie had never in her life been angrier. One day after Lisa had her first treatment, Jennie had kicked the mirror in the dance room so hard, that half of it shattered at her feet.  
Jennie had also never been sadder. She has cried herself to sleep every night since she found out and she should be dried out by now, but somehow her body seems to not do anything else other than produce tears. _

_She is a complete mess, and she knows. It’s not like she needs the pitying looks she receives from the other trainees at every corner to remind her how lost she is right now. But at least no one other than Rosé and Jisoo dares to speak to her and for that she is rather grateful. She’s never been the talkative problem-dealer. Lisa is the only person she wants to talk to – even more so now than before. She wants to talk to Lisa – preferably only her – for the rest of her life._

_Rest of her life.  
Jennie tries to push the thought out of her head. She doesn’t want these things on her mind anymore. _

_She puts her pen down on the paper again and writes. It helps. If only a little. It’s better than nothing and for some reason the words just flow out of her. She can hear the melody in her heart and maybe someday she’ll be able to sing it to Lisa._

_Can someone stop time for a bit?  
I feel like a big mistake just happened  
I tried to laugh it off awkwardly  
But I pity myself  
Although I say I am fine  
Don't know what to do without you  
_  
__________________

“Do you need something? Coffee? Tea?”

“No thanks, I’m fine.”

“Something to eat maybe? A sandwich? Or that bagel-thingy that Jisoo had yesterday? She said it’s not bad and-.”

“I’m fine Rosé. I don’t need anything. Thank you though.”, Jennie says and gives her friend a reassuring smile. 

The blonde girl nods shyly as she gets up from her chair. She looks at Lisa’s sleeping figure for a moment - as if to make sure she’s still breathing since the last time she checked on that ten seconds ago.  
She takes a deep breath and squeezes Lisa’s hand, before putting on her jacket and moving around the bed to pull Jennie into a hug. 

“Are you heading home?”, the smaller girl asks into Rosé’s hair. 

“Yeah. I promised Jisoo I would go over tomorrow’s meeting with her quickly and give her some company tonight. Figured you guys would probably also like some alone-time.” 

Jennie bites her lips and smiles at the girl’s thoughtfulness. 

“Please promise me that you’ll eat something though.”, Rosé mentions before she reaches the door. Her face is serious.  
“It doesn’t help her if you starve yourself.” 

“I know. I will. I promise.” 

Rosé smiles and sends her an air kiss, before stepping outside - the heavy door falling shut behind her. 

Jennie looks after her, trying to remember the last time she’d really been hungry, when another voice startleds her. 

“She’s right you know. You tend to not eat when something’s troubling you.”

There’s a smirk visible on her lips when she looks over at Lisa. 

“How long have you been awake for?”, the Korean girl asks – quick on her feet to move over to the side of the bed. 

“For half an eternity.”, Lisa whines and elicits a laugh from Jennie. “She just wouldn’t leaveeee…”

“That’s kinda mean.”

“I know. And I feel truly guilty, but I just wanted you all to myself.” 

Lisa pads the spot on the mattress beside her as an invitation. Jennie is quick to follow her silent order and hops onto the bed in a swift. 

“Sleep seems to have done you good.”, Jennie states and her face can’t hide how happy she is about that fact. 

“I feel great.”, Lisa replies and reaches forward for Jennie’s waist - pulling her closer. 

“Mhm, I can tell.”, Jennie raises her eyebrows and Lisa laughs. She keeps laughing even when she comes forward and kisses Jennie – and Jennie wants this kiss in particular to last forever.  
She just amazes her – this girl, going through this shit, again. And still – Lisa is the most positive human on the face of earth. How she does this will forever be a mystery to Jennie. She just knows that she wants this – her - for eternity. And Jennie is willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that there is an eternity for them. 

“I can’t wait to marry you one day.”

She blurts it out without thinking and she doesn’t even quite realize what she said – these words being nothing new to her, having thought and said them in her head a thousand times before.  
But now she’s said them out loud and Lisa looks at her with big eyes and an open mouth and for a moment Jennie’s afraid that she stopped breathing altogether. 

And maybe that’s why she launches forward and crashes her mouth onto Jennies – to get some air out of her – but in reality, it’s probably to let her know that she’s okay with it. With Jennie’s statement. With her wish. 

They kiss for what feels like hours and Jennie can’t help but realize that making out in hospital-beds is kinda their thing. 

When she comes up for air – and to look at the beautiful sight in front of her – her breath catches in the back of her throat a bit. The spark in Lisa’s eyes was just… something else.  
Always had been. 

“You know…”, Jennie whispers against Lisa’s lips. “Sometimes…. Sometimes I think about withdrawing from the contract.” 

Lisa leans back a bit then, her eyes searching Jennie’s piercingly. 

Then she nods. 

“Yeah.”

She lets her hand slide through Jennie’s dark hair. 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

_Two more years?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> naw, you guys are just great.  
> really appreciate all of you who read and like and comment on this thing. 
> 
> hope I didn't disappoint with the new chapter :) 
> 
> more coming soon. 
> 
> xoxo


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you reading?”, Lisa asks – looking for a topic – anything they could talk about without the conversation being too severe. 
> 
> “A guideline on how to not be a dick to the people you love.”

### Chapter 12: 

_Off days are Lisa’s favorite. Always have been – always will be.  
But off days when it snows? Yes please! _

_Lying in bed all day – dozing.  
Occasionally thinking about Jennie._

_Watching some cute movies.  
And maybe wishing Jennie was there too. _

_Drinking green tea.  
Jennie’s favorite. _

_Looking out of the window and enjoying the snow falling.  
Remembering that day in Japan when Jennie and she did snow angels in the backyard of the hotel._

_Staring at the blank ceiling – that somehow kind of looked like Jennie’s face._

_“Fuck.”, Lisa mumbles into nothingness and reaches for her stuffed duck to press it onto her face and stifle the groan that came out of her mouth._

_She really doesn’t want to think about her right now – but that’s the thing about off days. They leave room for brooding._

_They’ve had another meeting with the board a week ago and ever since then she’s barely seen Jennie at all. Twice at practice and then at the interview on Monday, but that was it.  
Lisa knows that Jennie is actively avoiding her – staying at the hotel with her mom and all. And Lisa understands her, really, but she misses her. Misses her like crazy – so much that it hurts in her chest every time she thinks about her, which is all the time. _

_So, she needs to busy herself. Day off or not. Tired or not. Body aching or not.  
She jumps out of her bed and throws on the first pair of yeans and hoodie she finds. Not bothering about makeup - the facemask, scarf and beanie hiding her face anyway.   
Her huge furry coat makes it even more difficult to recognize her and Lisa feels a little sting of guilt in the pit of her stomach, but she just can’t be bothered to be swamped by fans today. _

_She steps outside their appartement which is now completely dark and empty – Rosé and Jisoo both out having dinner with friends.  
The Thai girl takes the first turn into a small and lonely alley – kinda relieved that there are not a lot of people out in this heavy snow tonight.   
She should’ve brought an umbrella - the snowflakes already sticking to her eyelashes, clouding her sight.   
Lisa swallows hard – her mind going down memory lane again and she recalls tiny, soft fingers brushing against her frozen skin and plump lips pressing kisses onto her red nose. Jennie had hummed “Do you wanna build a snowman” all day long back then and even thinking about it now made Lisa smile. _

_Her smile falters quickly though, when she realizes that she won’t be able to be this close to Jennie for a very long time now – if not forever.  
She shakes her head in order to get these thoughts out of her head. No – she won’t let herself think like this. She’s not one to give up on hope.  
Or love. _

_And Jennie isn’t either.  
Right? _

_It’s only when Lisa looks up, that she realizes where her feet have taken her.  
She has to laugh at herself, because… of course. _

_She debates with herself for a second if she should step in for a moment but the snowstorm that picks up right that second takes over that decision for her._

_The little Jingle coming from the bell at the front door startles the barista at the counter. He looks up and smiles at Lisa, who realizes that she must look like a real-life snowman right now.  
She tries to shake off the snowflakes covering her coat and heads for the back of the café almost automatically. It’s their table, after all and Lisa wouldn’t dare sitting somewhere else – even without…………._

_“Jennie?”_

_The addressed looks up from her book – a bewildered look on her face.  
She looks tired - dark circles under her eyes and pale cheeks. _

_She looks at Lisa like she’s a ghost – or a mirage.  
Her mouth opens slightly, as if she wanted to say something – but she remains silent. _

_Lisa wants to leap forward. Wants to pull her into a hug. Wants to inhale her scent. To kiss her face. To feel her warmth. She wants to believe that it’s not a coincidence that they’re both here.  
But instead, she just carefully takes the empty seat beside Jennie – remaining silent. _

_The older girl moves in her chair a little – slightly moving further away and Lisa’s heart sinks. She squints her eyes and takes a deep breath – ready to get back up and leave – not wanting to be here when clearly, she’s not wanted at all – but then Jennie’s hand is on her arm the moment she wants to get up._

_“Stay. Please.”, the Korean girl mumbles and even though Lisa is strong, she absolutely doesn’t stand a chance against Jennie’s pleading look._

_They stay silent for a moment after that – Lisa trying to read Jennie’s eyes, but when she can’t, she switches to her book._

_“What are you reading?”, she asks – looking for a topic – anything - they could talk about without the conversation being too severe._

_“A guideline on how to not be a dick to the people you love.”, Jennie answers and Lisa would’ve laughed, had the other girl not been so serious – her whole body screaming an apology Lisa isn’t sure how to take._

_“Are you mad at me?”_

_Lisa shakes her head. “No.”_

_“Are you sure?”_

_“Yes, I’m sure. I just miss you.”_

_Jennie bites her lip and looks out the window where the snow is falling gently in the meantime._

_“I’m avoiding you because I know that I won’t be able to survive being around you but not being able to be_ with you. _Please don’t think that this isn’t killing me as well, Lili.”_

_These words are like a slap in the face and the get-well-soon-kiss afterwards. Both in one. And Lisa wants to cry, because really, this is all so stupid – but instead she lets her hand fall on top of Jennie’s and squeezes her eyes shut._

_“Tell me again why we’re doing this?”, she asks, because really, her heart keeps forgetting every time she’s near Jennie._

_The older girl laughs and shakes her head._

_“I have absolutely no idea… Solidarity I guess.”_

_Lisa snorts._

_“Wow, we’re just too nice.”_

_They smile at each other then and Jennie moves forward a bit – leaning her forehead against Lisa’s.  
The close proximity makes both of them muzzled for a minute. _

_Then Lisa squeezes Jennie’s hand and gestures to the window._

_“Sooo. Do you wanna build a snowman?”_  
_______

Bambam had always been a constant in her life. One that Lisa was incredibly thankful for.   
Her only real best friend from her childhood – her reminder of home in a (still sometimes) foreign country. 

He was also very protective. Of her. And of Jennie. And of both of them together.   
Lisa had almost lost her shit the day she decided to tell him about her relationship with Jennie – but he was a gentleman, and he was not judgmental. 

So, having him around today is a welcome relief from the hospital-everyday life.   
Even though Jennie and the girls come by whenever they can – they still have to work – even harder than usual, covering for the fact that Lisa herself is missing. 

“So I told her that I didn’t want to go and she was like... so angry dude. I swear you should’ve seen her face. It was as red as stop sign.” 

Bambam stretches in his chair and moves closer towards her bed – reaching out to put his hand on her forehead. 

“You okay?” 

“I’m fine.”, Lisa grins and swats away his hand. “Just thinking, sorry.”

“What about?”, he asks and moves his abused hand through his dark and shiny hair. 

“About how I’m gonna tell this story once you get married to her.”, Lisa laughs and rises an eyebrow. 

“Pffff…”, Bambam makes and leans back in his chair again. “I’m never gonna get married.” 

Lisa smiles and shakes her head at her best friend. 

“You say that now.” 

“I always say that. I even said it back when we were 10 and I still stand by it.”

“You won’t say it anymore once you find the one.” 

“Ah…”, Bambam grins and licks his lips. “Like you, you mean.” 

He mocks her with a flirtatious look and has a pillow smashing into his face seconds later. 

“Only proves my point, bro.”, he states – but then his face gets a bit more serious as he gets up to place the pillow back under Lisa’s head.   
For a moment he hovers over her, warm eyes boring into hers.

“She told me she wants to marry me one day.”, Lisa blurts out and Bambam nods. 

“I bet she does.”

“She’s never said anything like that before.”, the girl explains and shrugs. 

“And?”, Bambam asks and sits down on the bed with her. His eyes are sparkling – showing Lisa that he shares her excitement. 

“And what?”

The boy flicks her and looks at her piercingly.   
“Well, what did you say, dummie?”   
“I… I didn’t really say anything. I just kissed her I guess.” 

“Lisa nuna… You talk about how you’re going to marry that girl since your second day at YG. And now that she tells you this, you don’t have the balls to say so?” 

His face-eating grin makes Lisa want to punch him – but she’s tired and also, he’s right.   
Maybe she should’ve told Jennie about it.  
But she’s afraid.   
Afraid that she won’t get what she’s been hoping for since she was 15 years old.   
Afraid that God won’t let her have it – in spite of everything. 

“You know... it’s still okay to make plans for the future. Even more so maybe.”, Bambam mumbles and leans down to place a small kiss on her cheek. 

It’s true. And Lisa knows that too.   
Giving up isn’t an option. Never has been. Never will be. 

_Two more years._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks so much for the love guys! 
> 
> i'll be gentle with your hearts - i promise;) 
> 
> much love for all of you who read this. i hope you're all doing well and that you're safe wherever you are. 
> 
> (we had the first snow in my country today and funnily enough, it inspired me)
> 
> ok byeeeeee


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I… Lisa didn’t tell you?”
> 
> “Didn’t tell me what?”
> 
> “Um… About… about the contract.”
> 
> Rosé’s eyes go big.
> 
> “What contract?”

### Chapter 13: 

_It hurts._

_Even though it was a mutual agreement and they had talked it through profoundly – it still hurts._

_Every time they are in public and have to be affectionate for the sake of the band.  
Every time she goes online and sees their tagged photos.  
Every time the four of them hang out and she feels sad eyes on her.  
Every time she can’t sleep because her thoughts are spiraling.  
Every time she feels a panic attack building up and she can’t reach out for help.  
Every time she’s alone at home.  
Every time she thinks.  
Every time she breathes. _

_It hurts.  
It hurts all the time._

_So, Jennie has to do something – anything – to help her cope with her pain. Something to get her through these days, until they are able to be friends again. To be just friends again._

_She tries Yoga first because she’d always enjoyed it. But it doesn’t do the trick. It’s a quiet sport and Jennie realizes that every time she tries to control her thoughts, they only start to spiral around that one topic even more. So therefore, she doesn’t even try to go with meditation._

_Maybe something a lot more active would do. She checks out tennis and squash and archery – but they’re all things she had done with Lisa at least once in her life and doing them on her own now makes her stomach ache._

_She tries pottery and painting and somehow all her art looks very much like that face she tries so hard not to think about. So creative distraction is out the window, along with her drawing of Lisa’s eyes._

_She even joins a ballet group – but ballet is a form of dancing, plus the instructor is Thai. It all hits too close to home. And Jennie quits after the first lesson._

_She goes for walks, she reads, she watches Netflix, she cooks, she shops, she writes music, she attends fashion-shows – none of it brings her joy, nor relief of any kind._

_Jennie realizes that there’s really no more use in trying, because she knows exactly why none of it works._

_She’s this close to giving up. To quit all of it – the band, the life as an idol, the fame, the money – and just take Lisa’s hand and leave. To run away from the life she knows and into the life she wants, but then there’s a shift in the universe when Irene calls her up and takes her out and before Jennie even knows what happens, they start hanging out almost daily._

_She’s not mad about the distraction – not at all to be honest – it’s actually kinda nice to have someone taking care of her and maybe court her a little bit.  
She tries not to think about anything else - taking care of herself needing to be the main focus right now. _

_And she does great with it for some time – Jennie being actually somehow proud of herself, until that day when Rosé lashes out at her during practice over nothing.  
The tension after that incident seems to follow them like a cloud and even Jisoo goes quiet around her and that’s the biggest red flag in the universe. _

_So Jennie decides to take on the matter, even though she’s not in the mood for even more potential problems she finds Rosé later that day in her room._

_“Can I come in?”, Jennie asks after knocking on her open door._

_“I don’t know. Can you?”, Rosé retorts – not even bothering to look up from her phone._

_Jennie sights – this was going to be interesting. She enters, closing the door behind her. There was really no need for the others to be listening to this._

_She carefully takes a seat on Rosés make-up-chair and folds her hands in her lap._

_“You wanna tell me what’s up?”, she asks after a moment of complete and utter silence. Rosé snorts at her question and Jennie has to tell herself to keep calm. It’s not that easy, she feels attacked by the way Rosé acts today and she’s afraid of the reason._

_“Do_ you _wanna tell_ me _what’s up?” Rosé stresses the words and then she looks up – anger in her eyes and Jennie gulps. She’s never seen her friend like this. Rosé is usually transparent, and bubbly and Jennie doesn’t want to be the source of her distress._

_“I don’t know what you mean by that…”_

_“What the fuck is up with_ you?”, _Rosé repeats and Jennie is still confused. “What do you think you’re doing?”_

_“I… what?”, the older girl raises her hands as if her friend was pointing at her with a gun._

_“Irene?”, Rosé states and suddenly everything falls into place for Jennie. She pales a little bit._

_“We’re just friendly.”, she explains – the gutted feeling in her chest growing by the second and when Rosé sends her a disbelieving glance, Jennie feels sick to her stomach._

_“Cool. Ever thought about how your stupid ‘friend-dates’ make Lisa feel?” She air-quotes friend-dates and it’s really unnecessary. Jennie gets it._

_“Believe it or not, I’m actually trying like a fucking moron_ not _to think about Lisa for once in my life.”_

_Rosé glares at her. Still upset._

_“Well congratulations to you.”, she spits. “You’ve done a tremendous job.”_

_This hits a nerve and Jennie gets up in a swift motion – pointing at Rosé – fuming._

_“You have no damn right to talk to me like that. You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how hard this is for me, Chaeng.”_

_“Maybe.”, Rosé says. “But I know that you’re hurting my best friend on purpose and I won’t just let you do that, Jennie.”_

_“I’m not fucking doing it on purpose! I’m sorry that Lisa’s hurting but I’m not the scapegoat here.”_

_“You’re not doing it on purpose? So, you’re telling me that you didn’t notice how quiet she’s gotten. How she’s not able to look at you anymore. How she’s always tired because she’s barely sleeping. How she always looks like she’s been crying – and guess what Sherlock, that’s because she was. And how every time you mention Irene she almost dies? You’re maybe an asshole, but you’re not stupid, Jennie. I know that you know and knowing that you know and still you don’t have the decency to stop waggle around Irene for whatever reason is making me sick.”_

_Her face is red. Both their faces are and Jennie would’ve liked it much better if Rosé had just punched her in the face. This hurt way more._

_Being called out for something she knew but tried to forget for her own sake was the most terrible feeling ever. She feels the guilt shutting her throat and she doesn’t think she can speak anymore._

_Rosé sees her hesitating state and realizes that her words hit a sore point._

_“Yeah…”, Rosé breathes. “I get that you need to distract yourself from her. She’s trying the same thing. But like this? By hurting her? I won’t allow it. Find another way to work through this, Jennie.”_

_“I tried... I fucking tried, Rosé…”, Jennie finds her voice again, but it’s fragile and small – just how Jennie feels right now._

_“Then maybe stop being such kids and talk to each other. We’re in a pretty popular band for God’s sake. You won’t be able to work this out by avoiding each other. I’m sure there are other ways to become friendly again without you guys having to cut each other out of your lives.”_

_Jennie laughs a bit then – because really – Rosé has no idea. She tells her so._

_“You know, I appreciate your inputs, Rosé, but this is something Lisa and I decided, because we – other than you – know how absolutely impossible it is for us to be around each other and fall out of love. I tried that a million times before. For years. Time and time again, but you know… every time I see her smile, or hear her talk, or watch her dance or sing or cook or pet a cat or run her fingers through her hair or even only breathe in my direction... I crumble. Even just thinking about her makes me fall in love with her even more. So, the only slight possibility for me to somehow maybe get over her is to cut her out completely. At least temporarily. Because otherwise, Rosé, I’m going to die.”_

_There’s silence following and Jennie knows that she’s crying – she can feel the dampness on her cheeks.  
Rosé hesitates a little, but then she’s quick to get on her feet and rush over to Jennie, handing her a tissue and pulling her into a side-hug. _

_“I’m sorry.”, the Australian girl states honestly as she rubs circles on Jennie’s back.  
It’s not the only thing she wants to say though - Jennie can feel her hesitatingly taking a deep breath. _

_“You know…. I just don’t get why you guys feel the need to do this? It worked out pretty good so far, even though I get that it’s no fun to hide all the time but at least the two of you were happy in secret. Why change that when clearly it breaks the both of you?”_

_Jennie is taken aback by that question – a completely puzzled look on her face and Rosé just shrugs._

_“What?”  
“I… Lisa didn’t tell you?”_

_“Didn’t tell me what?”_

_“Um… About… about the contract.”_

_Rosé’s eyes go big._

_“What contract?”_

_______

“Ahhh... so good to be home!”, Lisa smiles after stepping into her appartement – immediately surrounded by her cats, meowing at her.

“Yeah, I missed you guys too.”

Lisa bends down to pick up Louis who looks up at her with big eyes and she pushes her face into his soft fur – taking in his scent. 

“Careful.”, Jennie remarks from behind her – a small hand on Lisa’s shoulder seconds after. “Doctors said no heavy lifting.” 

She tries to hold her poker face but when Lisa gasps at her statement, the older girls face breaks into a grin. 

“Just don’t be surprised if one morning you wake up and he ate your face off in revenge, unnie.”, Lisa retorts and kisses Louis again. “Don’t worry baby. She’s just jealous that I like you more.”

“Oi!”, Jennie smacks the back of Lisa’s head briefly. 

The taller girl just laughs as she sets the cat back down and quickly pets the other three as well. 

“I’m going to whip up some lunch, why don’t you go lie down in the living room?” 

Jennie gives her a penetrating look and Lisa can’t help but grin. 

“Okay, mum!”, she snarls and starts for the living room. 

As expected, Jennie hears the shriek only a few seconds later and she smiles to herself before leisurely walking after Lisa.

The younger girl is standing in the middle of the room – which is filled with flowers, some letters and gifts. Her hands are over her mouth and she just looks at Jennie with the biggest, tearyest eyes. 

“That’s maybe a third of it. We couldn’t fit all of it in here…”, Jennie explains, and she can feel Lisa’s bewilderment, as she shakes her head a little bit. 

“But... they don’t…”

“No, they don’t know yet. But you know our Blinks. They figure out everything.”

Lisa laughs as tears become loose, silently rolling down her cheeks. 

“The Sherlock-Gang.”, she sniffs, and Jennie smiles softly - nodding. Lisa steps forward – her fingers grazing over a bunch of sunflowers, her eyes fixed on their yellow color. 

Jennie steps behind her – her arms finding their way around Lisa’s body immediately. She feels the happy cloud crashing down and braces herself. 

“I’m afraid.”

Lisa’s words are small but somehow the loudest thing Jennie’s ever heard. Everything else fades and she just breathes into the other girl’s neck - as if her exhale could change something about the state they’re in.  
She contemplates whether to put up a façade for Lisa right now – to be the strong one, when really, she doesn’t feel like it – but she has a feeling that that’s not what the Thai girl needs right now. 

“I know.”, she says instead and kisses the small of Lisa’s back. “Me too.”

“But…”, Jennie adds and uses her hands to turn Lisa around skillfully - deerlike eyes looking down at her, still wet from her tears. 

“I also know that everything is going to be alright. You wanna know how I know that?”

Lisa nods. 

“Because every time the both of us are afraid together – we always manage to create something incredibly amazing out of it.”

There’s a content smile on Lisa’s face and Jennie can’t help but bop her nose against the other girls’ in a loving manner. 

“Can we do that for the rest of our lives, please?”, Lisa asks, and Jennie kisses her quickly as an answer. 

“Forever.”, she defines. 

_Two more years._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait :) 
> 
> please don't hate me for this chapter haha.. i'm sorry :*  
> bare with me though ;D
> 
> love you guys as always, stay safe!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You deserve that. We deserve that. 
> 
> Screw these last two years!

### Chapter 14: 

_The first time someone says something to them, it hits them like a truck. It’s not even official then – they hadn’t really talked about it and just went with it – letting whatever it was between them grow at its own pace._

_But then their dancing teacher Mrs. Cho asks them to stay behind after class and Lisa already senses by the uneasy tune in her voice that this isn’t practice related.  
Jennie only lifts one eyebrow in her direction questioningly, but when Lisa makes a grimace at her, she laughs it off. _

_They almost forget about it – the class being exceptionally hard that day, until they’re being held back at the door._

_“Girls – a word please?”_

_The teacher has her arms crossed in front of her chest and that gesture alone makes Lisa’s insides squirm._

_Mrs. Cho lets them sit down on the floor whilst she’s hovering above them – power relations clear._

_“Any idea what this is about?”, she asks and Lisa can feel the slight turn of Jennies head in her direction. The smaller girl shrugs and shakes her head, whilst Lisa is too afraid to even move. She knows._

_“Alright...”, Mrs. Cho sights – arms still crossed as she sways a little from side to side, clearly uncomfortable. “Listen, I shouldn’t be doing this – but I like you girls, so I wanted to give you a heads-up. Some people from management noticed that the two of you are very close and they’ve been informed by an anonymous source that you were spotted…”  
She stops and Jennies eyes drop to the floor.  
“Kissing.” _

_Lisa’s chest tightens – afraid of what was about to come next. She knew – they knew, of course, that trainees fooling around was strictly prohibited at YG and that girls kissing girls was more than frowned upon in Korea. Still she’s had this uncontroling hope bubbling inside her, that maybe it could be different for Jennie and herself. The older girl making her believe in miracles.  
And just like that – Lisa was reminded that miracles rarely happen. _

_Jennie clears her throat, which leads to their teacher regaining composure and clapping her hands once._

_“Okay, yeah… I just wanted to tell you that. You should probably stop with whatever it is that you’re doing or else I don’t really see a future for you here anymore. Management is unwavering about this kind of issues and I hope that being a trainee here stands above everything else for you. Especially above a silly little crush.”_

_She ends with another clap and an emotional punch in the stomach and leaves the room without another word nor a glance back at them.  
When the door falls shut behind her – Lisa hears Jennie exhale. She’s got no idea how long the older girl had held her breath. _

_The room stays silent for another minute or two with both of them startled and afraid to say something – anything to make this even worse.  
If anything, Lisa wants to make it better – to turn back time, so they wouldn’t have to listen to this and stay in their bubble for another day. Their happy little world with a possible future – which is now gone. _

_Lisa is surprised when Jennie’s the one to break the silence then – her voice small but clear nevertheless. The words coming out of her mouth are the most beautiful and important that Lisa had heard to date._

_“It’s not just a silly little crush for me, you know. I would risk it all for you.”_

_________

She feels nauseous and sick to her stomach when she watches her fellow bandmembers and their management talking about her health issues on the TV screen.  
There’s just something inexplicably disturbing about the fact that the whole world knows you’re sick and battling a fight no one knows the ending of. It’s like everyone knows the lyrics to a song, but then again, no one knows the melody, so one can only guess if the song is good or bad. 

Lisa sights and mutes the TV along with her phone, which had been blowing off the second Blackpink appeared in a press release without her.  
They were all worried about her, and it is sweet – of course – but she just doesn’t have the strength right now. On the contrary. Lisa drags herself to the toilet as fast as she can and falls on her knees.  
She knows this whole procedure by heart by now and there are always good and bad days. And today is one of the worst days. 

She cleans up after herself – Luca tries to help by meowing at her which really doesn’t help her headache – but she still pats his back before shuffling into the living room again.  
Jennie’s face appears in a close-up on the screen just then and Lisa can’t help but feel quilt growing inside her chest when she’s met with the saddest pair of dark orbs she’s ever seen. And Lisa’s seen a lot of sad faces in the past years.  
She tries to look away – to shut the TV off completely - but as always, Jennie attracts her attention like nothing else.  
Lisa can see that she tries. She tries really fucking hard but when they wave their goodbyes to the cameras, there are tears falling down her dumpling cheeks right before the broadcast ends – and Lisa feels like she has to puke again. 

Her phone lights up then and Jennie’s bright and teethy smile makes her forget about her stomach.  
She answers – only to be met with a loud sob. 

“Lisa…” 

For someone else it would’ve been almost impossible to recognize her voice, but – unfortunately – Lisa’s heard her cry many times before and she would identify her voice among millions. 

“Baby, please don’t cry.”, Lisa replies with a heavy chest. This was her fault. 

“No..”, Jennie sniffs. “Listen to me.” 

Lisa obeys and listens to Jennie trying to steady her breathing. It doesn’t quite work out, so the next sentences audible through the phone are half sobbed, half cried but fully heartfelt: 

“I love you so much. I love you more than anything in this world, do you hear me? I love you to pieces and I will never love anyone else but you. You’re the love of my life, Lisa. And I want to win this fight with you, and I want to be happy forever with you and I want everyone to know that. Love should be celebrated proudly. You deserve that. We deserve that. 

_Screw these last two years!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm sooooo soo sorry about the wait. 
> 
> hope it was kinda worth it.  
> not the best or the longest - but at least here's a chapter :P 
> 
> my studies are craycray - i try my best for you ;) 
> 
> hope you're doing good. and remember, it's christmas soon! *.* yay.
> 
> ok byeeeee


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I meant what I said, you know.”
> 
> Jennie’s softly caressing Lisa’s back and therefore she can feel how the other girl immediately stiffens at her words. She’s not surprised at the rection and still, she hears herself sight at the realization. 
> 
> “I know.” 
> 
> Lisa’s words are small and Jennie’s not entirely sure if it’s just because today had been draining or if there was something else. According to Lisa’s unrelaxed state just now, it was probably the latter.

#### Chapter 15: 

_  
It was probably their 10’000th photoshoot and the 9th hour they were there, and they had slept like 3 hours that night because of their schedule and Jennie is so done with this day – she couldn’t be more done with it if she tried.  
They had to retake shot after shot because the photographer is an absolute moron and his need for total perfection a fucking joke. He repeatedly seemed to forget that he’s working with real life people and not some barbie-dolls. _

_Jennie slumps down on her chair next to Jisoo and fans herself some air. It’s probably 86 degrees in here and she needs a shower. And some food._

_“I’m starving.”, Jisoo mumbles next to her, as if she read Jennie’s thoughts and places her hands on top of her belly. “I think my stomach actually started to eat itself.”_

_Jennie lets out a small laugh - anything more would ask too much of her. She can already hear her bed screaming her name and she’s not sure when the last time was her body hurt that bad.  
Probably that weekend Lisa had dragged her on top of that huge ass mountain in Japan while they were on tour. _

_“I just don’t know how she does it...”_

_Jisoo’s voice brings her back to reality and she has no idea what her friend is babbling about, until she follows her line of sight._

_Lisa is busy scurrying back and forth between the busy staff members – pointing out her pick of the best photos and providing them with fresh coffee from the coffee cart in the backstage area. It’s like she just arrived here five minutes ago after a daylong nap.  
Jennie knows better though, so Jisoo’s remark makes perfect sense. _

_“I tend to believe that she’s not human.”, the younger one replies – her eyes still on Lisa who’s now standing behind the monitor, cheering on Rosé who’s doing the hundredth repetition of the same pose on top of silly looking park bench. Within shots she’s looking exactly how Jennie feels - fed up and ready to fall asleep any second.  
There’s a small smile appearing on her face every now and then though, and it’s thanks to Lisa – Jennie’s more than aware of that. _

_It amazes her – how she’s able to turn people’s overworked frowns into a smile by the simple feature that is her smile. How she’s still looking out for everybody else first, no matter how exhausted she is herself. How her presence alone is enough to light up the whole set. It’s just Lisa’s magic. And Jennie’s never been gladder to be at the receiving end of it._

_“Control your face, woman. You look at her like she puts the darn stars in the sky._

_Jennie laughs – sending Jisoo a grin._

_“That’s because she does.”_

_“Ugh..”, Jisoo fake gags and sits up a little straighter in her chair. “You guys are so fucking cute. It’s making me sick.”_

_She gets up and sends Jennie a wink._

_“Wait, where are you going?”_

_“I need to go take a quick nap on the toilet – but if anyone asks, I’m in there puking because you and your lovey-dovey hearteyes for Lisa were too much sweetness for my digestive system.”_

______________

“I meant what I said, you know.”

Jennie’s softly caressing Lisa’s back and therefore she can feel how the other girl immediately stiffens at her words. She’s not surprised at the rection and still, she hears herself sight at the realization. 

“I know.” 

Lisa’s words are small and Jennie’s not entirely sure if it’s just because today had been draining or if there was something else. According to Lisa’s unrelaxed state just now, it was probably the latter. 

“You never said anything about it…”, Jennie notices and settles one hand on Lisa’s hip. She can feel the bone there even more than usual and she has to actively prevent herself from frowning. Lisa’s therapy had taken its toll on her and it could no longer be overlooked. 

“Can we not talk about it right now?”

Jennie moves closer to Lisa, who still has her back turned towards her. She squeezes her hip lightly. 

“Yeah, but I want to talk about it sometime soon please.”

She’s serious about that. Every day this topic is avoided – she’s losing another day of their future and Jennie feels sick to her stomach thinking about it, but at the rate Lisa’s condition currently deteriorates, she doesn’t have time to miss even the least bit of a chance for a happy future. 

“I really want out of that contract, baby.”

“I don’t.”

Lisa’s words hit her like ten trucks and take her breath away momentarily.  
Up until now she would’ve fought anyone who told her that she didn’t know absolutely every little detail about the girl in her arms.  
Jennie knows every spot, every quirk, every hope and dream and fear. Or that’s what she had thought anyway. 

“What?”, she hears herself and her voice is a little sterner than she intended to, but she can’t help herself. This was not something she’d ever expected, and it takes her aback. 

“I don’t want out of the contract.”, Lisa repeats and Jennie feels the urge to roll her eyes. This girl always has had the ability to push all her buttons – in the right and the wrong ways. 

“I heard you the first time.”, she retorts and gulps down the lump forming in her throat before it gets too big. 

Then she nudges Lisa’s hip and puts some pressure on it – signaling Lisa to turn around and face her.  
She does so – her eyes not quite meeting Jennie’s though.  
She looks sad and Jennie wants to smack herself just at the mere thought that she has something to do with this sorrowful expression. 

“Can you look at me please, babe?”

Tiny fingers under Lisa’s chin are enough for her to do so and Jennie’s quick to send her a reassuring smile. She just can’t be grim with her for long. Her body refuses to do so. 

“Lisa…”, she draws out slowly and raises her hand to caress the Thai girl’s cheek. “Care to explain?”

Lisa shakes her head no and just closes her eyes – resting her head against Jennie’s chin. She shudders a little and Jennie’s afraid that she’s crying – but then she’s looking at her again and even though her eyes are sad, there are no tears there. 

“It’s not… that I don’t want to be with you… or anything. You know I do. It’s just…”, Lisa starts, and Jennie can feel how difficult this is for her. The stuttering gives it away big time. 

“It’s fine...”, Jennie whispers. “It’s me. You can tell me.”

Lisa takes a deep breath – her eyes never leaving Jennie’s. 

“It feels like we’re giving up when we dissolve the contract. It feels like…. like we know that I’m going to die and that’s why we do it. Because we have given up on our future.” 

“Oh baby, no.”, Jennie pushes forward – pushes herself into Lisa as much as she can, burying her face in the other girl’s neck – tears spilling from her eyes and rolling over Lisa’s shoulder onto the mattress.  
Her heart is aching like never before. Making Lisa believe that she would ever give up on her and her health was almost making her pass out on the spot. How could she ever give off such vibes? 

“No, no, no, no, no.”, she mumbles against Lisa’s skin over and over – her body trembling. She makes sure to leave kisses in between her words and a lot of them afterwards.  
Lisa just holds her. 

“That’s not at all my reasoning behind my wish to quit. On the contrary. I feel like we should’ve done it a long time ago. No matter the illness or any other consequences. But because I want to love you. I want to be able to love you for real. In public and in private. I want to not think about however I look at you or talk about you or touch you or…. I just want to finally love you the way you deserve to be loved. And I want to start as soon as possible. Not because you’re sick, but because I’m sick of holding back. And because I know I’m going to be the one dying if I have to do so for _two more years.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO PEOPLE,
> 
> i know i know, it's been a while. i'm sorry.  
> as some of you know - my mind had been a little preoccupied with another story of mine.  
> i'm not good at multi-tasking two stories at once i guess. 
> 
> please don't hate me :) 
> 
> hope you like the update. more coming soon. 
> 
> lots of love & stay safe.


End file.
